I'm losing it, and learning to live a healthy life!

Wow!

2011-04-15T10:53:00.001-05:00

First I don't want to sound like a broken record, but I can never say thank you enough for my health. I have always been able to plow through anything in a short amount of time but this one was different. So happy to feel good again, in fact I am now walking 3.5 on my 3 breaks at work, and I have never felt better.

I love my new iphone and the best app ever is I map my walk. So here goes, I will try to post my walking each time on my blog.

Not a bad place to walk, and it's free. I love, love, love to walk!

It feels so good...to feel good.

2011-04-04T12:59:00.001-05:00

I was almost to the point of thinking this day would never come. I have been a relatively well person for almost 10 days. My energy is coming back, and unfortunately my appetite has returned as well. The last month or so, I felt so bad that I would eat only things that appealed to me, which of course were all unhealthy. Sick as I was it did not affect me and I still lost weight. Now I am struggling to get back to my healthy lifestyle, and I am craving those foods I didn't indulge in before (at least not every day) :) Oh well if I can do it once, I can do it again.

First things first, I need to plan my menu, then journal it.

Second I need to Walk, Walk, Walk!

Third I need to be kind to my body.

And fourth I need to just do it!

Loving points plus, loving fruit, now the veggies that's another story, for another day!

It's been a long time coming!

2011-03-31T14:00:00.000-05:00

I am back. I have no idea what all happened in my life the past 6 months, I just know I was sicker than I have ever been. I have been to more doctors in the past 6 months than I have been to in my entire life. Most of the time they spent eliminating things that wasn't wrong with me :( of course that does nothing for the problem at hand, except in my case it made it worse. Finally after an MRI, 3 x-rays numerous blood tests, it was diagnosed as Pneumonia. The antibiotics were terrible and left very bad side affects but I finally began to stop coughing so much.
My eating habits have been so bad during this time, but in spite of this I lost 15 pounds, but I now have my appetite back along with the bad habits. So it is time to get serious.

I am going to ~~try to~~ start exercising and eating right today.

She Lives!

2011-02-21T10:22:00.002-06:00

This has been a rough 5 months but I think I may be on my way back. I can breathe, I am not coughing constantly, and my headaches are manageable.

Still hanging in there on the Weight loss and healthy eating part of my life. I lost all the weight the steroids put on me and I am trying to get serious about the points plus program.

Day one: I feel better, I will attempt to eat better, and when I get a little more strength I will exercise.
Yay....Bring on day two!

Yes, I am still sick.

2010-12-12T16:17:00.002-06:00

I almost didn't post because it is just to depressing. Oh well, the thing is I can usually find a way to make things better, and I am trying but it seems the doctors can't find out what is wrong with me. I am not giving up, but I am through being a research tool as well. Just trying to enjoy the good days now, and hoping for many more. :) Also hoping for normal again.

sick :(

2010-10-23T16:13:00.001-05:00

Winning Battles

2010-10-07T12:46:00.007-05:00

Lately I have won more battles than I have lost,
but I have lost to many to count. Small victories
really add up, and while I do believe that I can eat
anything I want (within reason), I really want to make
the healthy choice. Sometimes it is a battle (in my own mind)
and sometimes it is just easy. That is what I want more than
anything along this journey. I just want to " want to do this."

Today I was in the snack shack at work, and I really thought about
getting this candy bar. It is only one point per square. It has 5 squares
and it is a dark chocolaty goodness. I picked it up and carried it around
to make sure this is what I wanted,

and then I saw this!

And I wanted it... Yay!!!!

So today this is how it went:

Dark Chocolate Candy.... $1.07

Banana... $ .55

Winning the battle... Priceless

eta: I do realize that chocolate is not unhealthy

Making Choices

2010-09-30T10:35:00.003-05:00

Just one minute at a time lately, or so it seems. I can be absolutely on track and doing fine and the next minute I am off center. Not off track, not going forward or backward, but off just a little. It is enough though, to make you crazy.

I have this sever sinus infection and I got a shot of steroids, (give me more) not really! On one hand I feel tons better, I have more energy than I have had in weeks, and I know it is short term, but.... I can be breezing along feeling perfectly full and the next thing I know I am hunting for food....(not good for you food). Fortunately the antibiotics make me a little nauseous or I would be in real trouble.

I wish there was a way to feel this way without the steroids and there dangerous side affects....Oh wait there is, exercise! When I am well and I can beat my body into submission I feel this same way after I exercise, so why the heck do I avoid it so much? I am going to have to give this some major think time, maybe I just had a light bulb moment. I hope I can keep the light on long enough to make that thought a part of me.

Into every life a little rain must fall...enough with the rain!

2010-09-29T09:35:00.004-05:00

It is not raining here, not real rain anyway, but it is pouring lately and frankly I can hardly keep my head above the water. I have managed to make good choices most of the time but I have also made some really bad ones.

It seems like every time I push reset, bad things happen. Just as I was starting to gain control my mom fell and broke her hip. I had to travel to her hometown and stay in the hospital with her for 3 days and nights. I only left for some, dare I say "Jack in the Box!" I haven't had a Jack in the box taco since I left California, over 3o years ago. Wow, my memory served me well it was just the same taste, I loved every bite, but I only had one. One fried taco, who knows the calories but it was such a memory pleaser. Then back at the hospital I had pastries from Starbucks to mornings in a row. Back home... and I came down with a severe sinus infection ugh! So I am struggling to get back to my normal.

Blues, Bikes and Barb-Q.....Oh my, I forgot I have a family of bikers staying with me this weekend, What a life.

Roll with the punches.

2010-09-13T18:13:00.002-05:00

Today was Grandparents day at my granddaughters school. I am a new grandparent so I was really looking forward to this day, lunch not so much. Walking down the hall I knew I was in trouble, my stomach started to turn. I'm not sure what I was smelling but it didn't smell like food. When we entered the cafeteria my granddaughter was looking around for us, when she spotted us she had the biggest grin on her face, kinda like the one in the photo. We got our tray and my sweet husband just took whatever they served him, however I told the lunch lady I could not resist the big hot rolls so I had better forgo the lunch. I must add the the roll was delicious but the rest of the meal... lets just say it did not look like people food. I didn't know that Kaylei was bringing her lunch or I could have packed one for myself, I will do that the next time. It was a good day, I figured the roll was probably 4 points and I was full so it all worked out. I am doing better for now, I just take it one day at a time, make the best choice I can. It's working :)

"It is Well"

2010-09-09T08:54:00.004-05:00

It's one thing to say "it is well" when you are standing on your feet, it's quite another to say "it is well" when you are struggling. Having been knocked off my feet for a while now, I can only boast of not doing well. It seems that unless I have a steady stream of normal I don't do well with my healthy lifestyle. A bump in the road, can throw me to the curb quick. I really am trying to change this about me, even though I know this will probably be the biggest hurdle ever in my attempt to change bad habits. Some call it emotional eating, but for me its not really that, its anything that sidetracks me or causes me discomfort.

I hate that when someone says something negative to me, that I let it affect me so easily. In the past that one thing would send me to the snack drawer, not so much now, but it does a little more damage than I would like. I want so much to be able to say, well those are your thoughts, sorry you feel that way, and still feel like "it is well".

I am working on it, and I am gaining ground.

Yesterday I went to a scheduled luncheon, took the cheese off my Pannini passed on the chips, skipped dessert and walked out with an "it is well" attitude. I didn't feel an ounce of self pity that I could not have those things because I really did not want them. That is progress, and I am for the first time in a while feeling good about my lifestyle changes.

So when the next not normal thing knocks me to the ground, I am hoping I can look up from where I landed and say "it is well" and mean it.

Changing Habits!

2010-09-06T10:50:00.005-05:00

This week I am focusing on changing habits. I have noticed one fact since I began blogging, much of my bad food control issues are just bad habits. I say " just" as if that were just another word that is placed in front of another. It is not, I know that it is probably going to be the hardest thing I will overcome in this journey to live a healthy life. First I have to take a long look at the habits that control my behavior, that's going to be fun....not, oh well I will attempt to do this for the next few weeks and I will start it off with a big one.

Water........I need to drink more, I need to start drinking when I first get up.

Exercising... Walking when I make this a habit, I love it. When I stop, I don't want to restart.

One to break, spending to much time on the computer. ( that is going to be a hard one)

Planning my menu! This is a must!!

And last but most important for me is tracking my food.

All of the things I have listed above are not that hard for me to do for awhile, but when anything comes along to sidetrack me it is so difficult to start again. I want these habits to become second nature to me. This is my goal, and this is my hope for this year.

Friend Makin Monday!

2010-08-30T18:57:00.007-05:00

Thanks for the opportunity to share a little about myself. I think the longer I live the more I realize that being honest with yourself keeps changing. When I was in my twenty's, I prided myself on being real. In my thirty's, I really felt lost. My forty's were the same, it seemed like the things I believed to be true kept changing. Now I know that I am not lost, sometimes confused, sometimes confounded, but not lost. I know that even at my age, (I'm not telling) I am still learning, I hope I never quit learning. Today at work a co-worker made fun of me for my love of gadgets, and my desire to connect in some way through my Internet friends. She actually said I was to old to be involved in such foolishness. It just made me smile, because I will never be ashamed for being made to feel like less than I am because I love to learn. I love my ipad, I can't wait to upgrade to an iphone. I love blogging and I don't think it is ever to late to make good habits.

This week Kenz with All the Weigh is hosting FMM. If you want to play along this week link up with Kenz and for all future weeks visit Amber at The Silver Lining to find out who's hosting FMM

I like myself most of the time
I don't like prejudice
I love my family with my whole heart
I dream of being young again and being smarter.
I wonder if I will ever make the right choices ( food and exercise) consistently.
I know I can do this.
I went to New York to meet friends, all by myself and had the time of my life.
I have always wanted to be smaller.
I think to much, to often and about things that really don't matter.
I plan to go on a road trip next year.
I regret wasting time
I do (I did and I always will love my hubby)
I drink water with all my meals, It is so hard for me to drink it all day long.
I wish I had worried less and trusted more.
I am very creative
I am not organized (but I long to be)
I need affection
I graduated high school when I was 25 because the school made an error on my transcript.My husband insisted that I go back and finish, turns out when I got my transcript I had 10 credits more than I needed to graduate. I flunked my entrance exam in college and entered on probation. I was on the presidents list from that time on. Yay me!!!
I hope my husband stays well.
I want more, I always want more.
I sometimes wish I could have adopted another child.
I always depend on my husband instead of doing things for myself.
I work for insurance, otherwise I would be shopping, or traveling or going to concerts and screaming like I was 12.
I cannot stand to be late
I avoid trouble.
I will never give up!

Give me a break!

2010-08-16T09:05:00.004-05:00

Learning to live a healthy lifestyle, give me a break! Who do I think I am kidding here. Not me that's for sure. I have learned some things that have stuck with me, I do know that if I don't exercise, I will not lose, and I also know that even if I exercise and eat right, I am not gonna lose this weight fast. My fat is cement, I struggle to lose even a pound, and it has been that way for years. I can walk 5 miles eat only my allotted points and still only lose one pound. To say that is frustrating is putting it mildly. I read blogs and talk to friends all the time that consistently lose 2-3 or 4 founds a week, but for me that is not to be. I know, I know one pound is not all that bad, but it is when you have LHLWADD... I have been doing some research lately about ADD and the symptoms:
"zoning out” without realizing it
"extreme distractibility"
"struggling to complete a goal, no matter what the prize"
"tendency to overlook the seriousness of the situation"
When it comes to other areas of my life, this is in no way fits me. When it comes to my Living Healthy and Losing Weight "LHLW" I have four out of four symptoms. :(
I really need to understand this and I really need to deal with it. Like now!

I have been reading a blog from Sean in Oklahoma for about a year, today these words he wrote kicked me in the gut. It is what I have always known, but can't make this choice and stick to it. All I can say is please God, let me choose this, help me choose this. I want this so bad!

The difference between this being a struggle and being an enjoyable road all the way---is completely between our ears. It is a friendship with food, an understanding---it's just living---simplifying the process...and realizing that we can do this in a most enjoyable way that will leave us wondering what the trouble was all of those years. The trouble is always what WE make it. The limitations, the rules, the frustrations---we choose it all...it's perspective. It's letting go of every excuse or rationalization that have always held us back. It's no longer being the "victim." It's choosing change before change chooses us. It's a very powerful idea. Empowering. It's deciding that this is too important to allow any emotion, circumstance, person, place, or thing steal it away from us. We deserve this freedom---it's ours if we choose to make it one of the most important things we've ever done. The importance level MUST be set that high, because if it isn't---it becomes too easy to just say..."oh well, we'll try again some other time." Make this the LAST TIME. Because if we don't---"someday" will come anyway---and changes will choose us---and if it's not on our terms, we're probably not going to like those changes. Choose the change you've always dreamed about. You're completely free to fly my friend!!!!!!!

I want to fly, I want to be happy when I fly, I want this to be as important to me as breathing, as being faithful to my husband, as being faithful to the God I serve.
Thank you Sean, for these words.... I will read them everyday until it becomes my truth, and I will make the choices I need to change my life forever.

Posting from my iPad .....This could be my undoing

2010-08-12T20:13:00.001-05:00

My new toy!

2010-08-09T12:22:00.005-05:00

I am loving it!

It was a hard decision whether to buy the iPhone4 or the ipad, I think I made the right choice. Lots of apps, and to-do lists, and things to keep me centered. I added my fitness pal, and a few recipe sites. The main thing I like about it is it is helping me keep more organized. I need that, not to mention the fact that I don't eat when I am playing and that's a good thing. Everyday on the top of my to-do list is to exercise, every day I avoid that one like the plague. I don't delete it or take it off, I just avoid it. My goal for now is not only eating healthy but facing the things I don't like to do, and finding a way to love them again. It is so hot here now I can't even think of doing anything outdoors. So wish me luck as I try to get back in the groove.

If you know of any apps that might help me in my Journey please post :)

I don't handle stress well, the good kind or the bad kind.

2010-08-06T09:50:00.003-05:00

My Husband Earl at Lake Tahoe

(beauty in the midst of fear)

In June we found out my husbands brother had stage four lung cancer. We were at the same time preparing for my son's wedding. It was so hard to balance joy...fear... and faith at the same time. I don't handle stress well at all, so my healthy eating habits took leave of me. It was replaced with fast food, junk snacks and no exercise. It is not easy to live that lifestyle, not the healthy lifestyle, but the unhealthy lifestyle. I felt sick and tired most of the time. I am so ready to get back on track. I just need to start and I am quite certain as soon as I do something will be there to tempt me to take the not-so-easy-way-out.

This is my son, his bride and their two lovely daughters. I am now and instant Grandmother. I could not be happier about that. They are the so cute and so sweet. I already love them to pieces. So amidst the stress of learning of Earl's brother, making travel plans for him to visit him and planning a wedding in just a few weeks I have let it sidetrack me and that's not a good thing.

Don, is doing a little better, and hopefully he will start treatments soon. Please say a prayer for him. We hope to plan another trip to Lake Tahoe and visit him in the near future.
My son and his family are doing good, and the University will be back in full swing in a couple of weeks, so hopefully I will get a grip on things and learn to handle stress without taking what seems to be the easy way out. It is not easy, and I need to somehow come to realize this.

This blog is my attempt to keep it honest, and honestly I have failed much of this year. I am making changes and it starts today!

My Hero!!!

2010-07-19T08:50:00.006-05:00

Kylie

Happy 15th Birthday

Kylie,Did you know you are my hero?

Do you even know how amazing you are?

You are Smart, Funny, Caring,

and most of all Relentless.

Do you know what that word means?

It means you won't give up, shut up,

or give in, until you are heard.

I love that about you!

Sometimes it is not so easy for us, (your family).

Sometimes we just don't understand,

but in the end that spirit of determination

brings a smile to our face, and joy to our heart.

My wish for you is that you always know your are loved.

My prayer for you is that your life

will somehow become easier each year.

My hope for you is that you wake up happy every day,

and go to sleep with a big smile on your face.

I love you sweet Kylie, I always have and I always will.

You are my hero!!!!

Just because they say it, doesn't make it true!

2010-06-23T19:28:00.002-05:00

Who are they anyway?
This is day 447, and you know what, I should have been living this journey as a healthy person already.........
One year ago today I wrote "I believe it is because I have found the secret. It is in the living, part, the day to day learning to do what is best for my health."
I did just that for months and then I began listening to them, they were always there to remind me that it is a lot easier to just go with the flow, to do what is easy, to rely on the things I have always done. It's Thanksgiving go ahead add a lot of butter to that dish. It's Christmas, you have to bake cookies and bread. They just continue to try to influence me, and I let them sometimes, even though I know the secret.
Who are they anyway.... They are the thoughts and habits and traditions that live in my mind. I am not blaming anyone else, I rarely get tempted by others, even when people try really hard to get me to eat something, but I am my worst enemy. I trick myself into forgetting the secret, I tell myself I am just tired, or it will be ok just this once. So for today I am looking back and acknowledging the secret, It is in the living part, the day to day learning to do what is best for my health. I am a slow learner, but I am learning.

Overcoming laziness!

2010-06-21T13:14:00.002-05:00

Who wants to admit they are lazy? Not me, but the truth is I would rather sit and watch TV than get up and exercise any day. Most of the time I turn on a TV show just to distract myself from this thing that I dislike so much (exercise). The strange thing is when I am finished I have such an amazing feeling of accomplishment. You would think the memory of that feeling would inspire me to want run towards this, but not me. The good news is just a few minutes into my exercise, I am fine with it. I sometimes want to do more than I had planned, but getting started well that is the hard part.

I had a friend tell me she sure wishes she could get motivated to exercise, and I thought, me to. I never am, I just do it. Maybe someday I will jump up and be excited but I am not holding my breath.

This heat just takes it out of me. I carry water, and walk indoors when it is to bad, but there is absolutely nothing thrilling about walking around a building going up and down the stairs, nothing.....
except the prospect of walking out side when when it is 100°.

So will I be motivated to walk to the building next door and circle the hallways and go up and down the same stairs for the rest of the summer....No I don't think I will.... but I will just do it!

I am never excited when I brush my teeth, or wash my hair and dry it. I rarely jump up and down for joy when I get to cook dinner, and clean up afterwards, I just do it because I have to.

I need to convince my brain that I have to do this, until I am convinced I will just have to do it, until it is harder not to do it than it is to do it.

So there I stood with the help of my dad

2010-06-18T10:29:00.002-05:00

So there I stood with the help of my dad

I don't remember that day,

I don't think I was even one yet,at least I hope so, since I was still bald :)

I never really gave much thought to him holding me up

he provided for us

he made us laugh

he spanked us

and in his own way he loved us!

Thinking about my dad today

makes me want a hug

Wish he was still here

I would give him one!

2010-06-17T10:49:00.003-05:00

Keeping on!
Since this blog is for me, and since I have not kept my part of the bargain that I struck with myself to blog, or journal as often as I could, I feel more than annoyed with myself for not keeping on. This is one of the things that I struggle with the most.

Keeping on!

I am not going to analyze this to death, but I wish I knew why or better yet how to prevent this lack of discipline in myself. I have never been all that good at laying it out there, being honest with myself, let alone anyone that cares to read here.
I do know this:
I will not quit!
I may get sad
I may get mad
I might cry or shake my fist at the sky
But I will not quit.
So listen up girl, if for some reason I don't show up here for a day or two, or maybe even a month, I will still be here keeping on, the best I can.
I will not quit!! (Yeah, I am talking to me)

Three days in a row, I ate right, I exercised and I feel good about that.

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. Zig Ziglar

My Bucket List!

2010-06-16T10:12:00.002-05:00

My Bucket list
First of all I need to take a look in my bucket
toss out the things that are not useful
sort through the things that are
What will I find?
Memories... both good and bad
some that makes me smile
some while bad, are still worthwhile.
Words... I've said and then regretted.
Words... I try to not forget!
Habits... Easy to come but hard to go
Frailties... yes I have a few
some are new...but most have
always been here.
Strengths... This is what I love about myself
and this is what I hate about myself.
I am strong...when I am knocked down
I am strong... when I need to be
I am strong ... when I keep my focus
But....
I am weak... when I am hurt
I am weak...when I lose my focus
I am weak... when I feel alone
Loyalty... Always and Forever
Things that got stuck on me
Impatience...don't like this
Intimidating...don't like this
Bossy...don't like this
High achiever... I like this
Reliable...I like this
Creative...I like this
Forgiving...I like this
Sensitive... I like and dislike this one
So I have a lot to sort through in my bucket,
then I am going to fill it full of all the things that
complete me, that make me happy, that makes
me a better person. Whatever it takes!

The first thing I will add to my bucket today is
Living healthy...look for ways to do this

Whah, whah, whah!

2010-06-15T13:11:00.002-05:00

I have been sick....

I have been stressed out....

The weather has been awful....

And the worst possible thing is I got old!

So cry me a river you say. I have spent much of this day looking for inspiration and not really finding any. Most of the time I don't really need a pep talk but sometimes I need for someone besides myself to give me a kick in the backside and tell me to quit whining. Just do it!

I have to admit this getting old thing has been much harder than I thought it would be. I have endured endless teasing at work, and normally I can look ahead with anticipation, but now the finish line is easier to see, and I am still so far from my goal. I told you this was a whah-whah-whah post. I think if I actually write this all down I will see how ridiculous it is and then I can Just do it!

For most of my life I have managed to be content at whatever place I was in, and to be honest when things looked the worst for me, that is when I was at my best. It's not that easy now. I really want a do-over but I realize that's not possible. I wish I had made better choices, I wish this blog was not necessary but it is what it is. So even though I am now old, I must always remember I am losing it, and still learning to live a healthy life.

I forgive me!

2010-05-24T10:34:00.003-05:00

It seems like forever since I really felt in control, but in reality it hasn't been that long since I was up at 5:30, (in the wee hours of the morning) doing my exercises, eating healthy and feeling great. Somewhere along the way I got sidetracked, not sure if it was splurging on extra points, grabbing my trigger foods and pretending that this would be the last candy bar I would eat. I'm not sure when I decided that just because my knee was hurting it would be ok to not exercise for awhile. This has been my life for as long as I can remember. How do you restart when you are so mad at yourself for doing the one thing you tell yourself you are not doing again. The only way I can think of is to just forgive yourself and start again. Did you notice I didn't say start over, well that's the good news, I don't have to start over, I have learned to much to have to do that. I am not one that likes to dwell on the past, being introspective is a good thing, but for me it is sometimes just to depressing. I would rather look ahead, plan to do better, and be glad that I can push re-start once again, forgive myself for being weak, get back on track and change the things I can. Being honest, that's the hard part, it's really not that hard to do the right thing, there is freedom in doing the right thing, living your best, taking care of yourself. Don't be fooled by the lies (you hear in your head) They are lies!!! You probably can't eat just one! You probably won't do your exercises when the weather clears up! The truth is I can do this, the truth is I will!

It's me!

2010-05-23T19:08:00.001-05:00

I didn't die! :)

My first 5K ever!

2010-04-09T08:34:00.003-05:00

Cancer Challenge - 5K - 10K June 26th, 2010

This will be my first race to ever enter. I decided on this race because I have lost family and friends to cancer and I would like to see a cure in my lifetime.

This is a big leap of faith for me, and a huge challenge as well. I am training now and I hope I don't embarrass myself by coming in last. Whatever the outcome, I am going to give it my best effort.

I have been exercising in the early mornings and a good friend has been calling me and offering me support, I know some mornings I would have just blown it off if not for her. Is is hard to change a lifetime of neglecting to exercise and take care of my body? Yes!!!!! It is, but it is so worth it. I am hoping that one day I will jump out of bed and be raring to go, ( will that day ever come), I am not sure at this point if I will ever love it completly, but I am determined to keep it up until it becomes second nature.

Now about that healthy eating thing. I pretty much bottomed out on my trip to Alabama, it is so hard to get back on track, but this is the week I will do it!

In my Life

2010-03-18T09:00:00.003-05:00

Most of the time when I make a decision about my life it is just a spur of the moment decision, never very well thought out and usually the results can be seen in my spontaneous decision making. This is not true right now {in this moment}. I have been thinking about this for some time now. Why I do the things I do, why do I let myself get so sidetracked, why do I find it so hard to take better care of me. Most of the reasons lead me back to the fact that I am a very live-in-moment-person. Whatever happens to be going on in my life usually overrides my plans and the goals I have worked so hard to achieve. Something has to change, and that change has to come from me. I am always going to be an impulsive person, that is part of who I am. That is one of the things I like about myself, but it is also one of the things that so often brings me to defeat. So right now {in this moment} I am making some decisions that will hopefully help me when the day head offers me something I can't resist.

Start my day off (5:30 AM with exercise)
Plan my menu the day before (Be flexible, but be consistent)
Enjoy this moment (they are going fast)

Small changes, but they are HUGE changes.... In my life, I have to move, I can't put it off... This is the one thing I find to be the most difficult, and for me and it is the most important part of my quest to live a healthy life. Thanks to a good friend (for her early morning calls) I am on my way!!!!!!

No more whine with my cheese please.

2010-02-27T08:39:00.009-06:00

On the other hand I will have some pepper jelly with cream cheese on my new Bagel thins.

This healthy eating and losing weight is a tough life at times. I just don't want to be continually beat up by my lack of standing firm. I am my biggest foe in this fight, and I do believe it to be a fight. I am a list maker so I decided to make a list of the things I willing let defeat me and a list of the reasons I WILL NOT lose this battle. First off I want to say I take full responsibility for my lack of discipline in this area of my life. That being said these are the things that have been defeating me in my quest to be healthy and lose this weight.

The weather! I hate cold, I can't walk out side and it makes me sluggish. Hate the snow, hate it, except at first, and to be honest....I love snow days.
My lack of planning. When I get in a rut like this, I just don't want to plan, I don't want to make a grocery list, and I don't want to think about new recipes.
People that could not care less about your struggle. This one is one that I deal with most often. It seems like I am the odd duck, always watching, always trying to be aware of what I eat. Sometimes it is just plain hard to swim against the tide. I don't always want to say no to the pizza, that gets brought in the office, the cake, the candy that gets laid on my desk, by my friendly co-workers. Sometimes I just want to be like them, except for me, I gain weight and they seem to stay the same. (insert violin here)
My need to please! This is a big one for me, sometimes I want to just fix my man the things he likes instead of the healthy foods I expierement on. (and I am sure he tires of the disasters that happen along the way) The problem with that is he likes very very high fat foods, hot dogs, hamburgers and french fries.

These are the things I will do to (or try to do) to overcome these setbacks or obstacles.

There is nothing I can do about the weather, I am just gonna have to deal with that one. I need sun, I need warm days. So on this one I will have to bite the bullit and find a way to cope with mother nature.
I have decided to plan ahead for when I don't want to plan. Make menus for several weeks, and choose between the ones that fit that week best. ( why didn't I think of this before)
Temptation is always gonna be around me. I am not sure how to deal with this one. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I can be defeated so quickly when I am down in the dumps, nervous, happy, or just plain bored. When my resolve has already been broken other people can influence me so easily. I really need to find a way to set boundaries at work, and also find ways to not feel sorry for myself because I am the only one with these boundaries.
I have come to the conclusion that the best way to please my honey is to make sure he is around for awhile, the hot dogs have got to go, especially the ones that are huge!!

Thanks so much for the comments, I really appreciate it, and it gave me just the needed push to stop the pity party!!!

I want to cry!

2010-02-26T13:34:00.001-06:00

Thats all for now!

So I gained a few pounds, well more than a few.

2010-02-07T16:30:00.004-06:00

I have been avoiding the scale as if it were the enemy, as if this piece of metal was going to expose me for the failure I have become. My clothes told me the truth, my pants were tight, my energy has been gone, but still I would look at that piece of metal and avoid it. One of my favorite sayings has always been " Fiddle-de-de I will think about this tomorrow". That hasn't worked for me in the past, and its not working for me now. You know its really hard, I'm not blaming anyone but it seems like when your resolve is shaken just a little, or when you start making bad choices everyone celebrates with you. Does that seem right, why don't my friends just grab the food out of my hands, why don't they yell at me and remind me that I worked to hard to give up now. I have to remind myself constantly that it is no one's responsibility but my own to make the right choices. No one has to tell me not to eat 2 boxes of chocolates in one sitting, I know that would make me sick. No one has to tell me that every day that I make these bad choices I am getting farther and farther from where I was a few months ago.

So..... I stepped on the scale, and since November, I have gained 8 pounds. I am really scared, but I don't know anything else to do but to just get back to the business of taking care of myself. Tomorrow, I am going to make the right choices, I am going to eat right, I am going to exercise, and I am going to get back to the good life.....yes it is the good life!

Slow road ahead

2010-01-27T08:41:00.005-06:00

Wow January is almost over and I want a do-over, only I want better conditions this time. The weather has been terrible, my health has thrown me for a loop. I am grateful for antibiotics but I have had the hardest time kicking this cold to the curb. I have unfortunately had no energy, and therefore I have not managed my lifestyle changes very well. I just wish someone would come up beside me, grab me by the hand and help me out of this rut I have found myself in. I know that is not gonna happen so I will keep searching, keep trying, and press forward and even though the road ahead is SLOW Going.

So I have been told by my weather man that the weather is going to be very bad this week-end.... My goal this week... find a detour and change my course.

Sick Day!

2010-01-15T10:14:00.003-06:00

Or should I say sick week! I have a miserable cold, Sinus infection or something horrible is going on in my body. The last thing I can do is plan my meals, I have tried to eat reasonably but I have had to rely on a little fast food and alot of oatmeal.

This is an area that has always been difficult for me. Some people just go to bed and get better, I have always been one of those "eat for comfort" and "eat for strength" type of people. That can be dangerous when there are leftover Christmas goodies. This is a point in my journey that I have not been able to get past. I have done better this time, but not good.

I have four days off to get rid of this plague, I must find a way to get past the munchies that follow me when I am sick. I'll let you know when I am well how I did. If you have any suggestions please send them my way.

Unstuffed Cabagge Rolls......So Yummy!

2010-01-10T12:18:00.004-06:00

These were so good!

1 pound lean Ground Beef

1/2 Onion

4 cups Cabbage ( I use Cole Slaw Mix)

20 ounces Crushed Tomatoes

3 Tablespoons Brown sugar

2 Cups Cooked Rice

1 8 ounce can of Tomato Sauce

2 Tablespoons of Ketchup

Salt and Pepper

Brown the Beef, onion and cabbage in a large skillet. When it is almost finished browning add the Tomatoes and simmer until cooked thoroughly. Add 2 cups of Cooked Rice and simmer a little longer. I put them in 4 ramekins, top them with a mixture of Tomato sauce and Ketchup, sprinkle 1/2 tablespoon brown sugar on top and broil for a few minutes.

Lunch was a small salad and Unstuffed Cabbage Rolls. 7 points of Delishisness!

It is freezing here

2010-01-09T21:13:00.002-06:00

Its so cold outside I decided to decorate according to my mood, so I took down the Christmas decorations and put up the winter snow scene. I made some baked oatmeal and we had a warm and cozy night, while just outside my door ice is falling from the sky. I have made good choices tonight and being stuck in the house this last week I kept myself busy intead of eating for comfort. One good choice at a time.

I'm serious and I mean it!

2010-01-07T19:40:00.008-06:00

I'm making some changes, some needed changes. I am gonna be honest for one thing, and that means I have to admit when I mess up, but I also have to pat myself on the back when I do something right. I have been reflecting on this last year all week. It has been 8 months since I started my quest to live a more healthy life. I lost 34 pounds, kept off 30 pounds. I have more to lose, and more to learn but I am on my way.

I am going to be more diligent to keep my food diary

I am going to be more consistent with my exercise.

I am going to monitor my success with my new gadget Heart Rate Monitor
This is a hard one, but I am going to drink more water.

I am going to really really try to lose 30 pounds by May 17.

I am going to save my money and buy a really good camera.

I am going to try to find a better balance in my personal, spiritual and physical life.

I will be happy if these things become mine, I will be pleased if I see positive change.

I am serious, and I mean it.....

The key to weight loss

2010-01-05T12:46:00.008-06:00

I learned a new word today, Mo-Mo

As far back as I can remember I called this the something that "clicks in your brain" my sisters and I would jokingly say "well it hasn't kicked in yet". I really never understood it until I read this blog. Waiting for this to take place is difficult when you don't even know what you are waiting for, but I have always known, and I have always waited until that certain something happened, and then I was on my way. Now I have a name for it, and I owe it all to the blogger that gave definition to this "thing that clicks in you brain". Just knowing the definition brings clarity to this life skill, and I do believe it is a life skill. Motivation meets momentum, and when these two hook up it happens. Finding motivation has never been hard for me, I just have to look in the mirror. Finding momentum is a different thing altogether. This quote stopped me cold: "The moment you fall in love with the sound of progress is the moment you stop hearing everything else." Richard Murphy Confessions of a Contractor Then Cammy summed it up this way: The energy from momentum often drowns out the internal chatter along with the external temptations, and provides the fuel I need to keep moving forward.
I found my motivation a while back, and motivation met momentum after a full day of simply listening and watching for the signs of progress. My Mo-Mo is now on the Go-Go! I am ready to get this healthy lifestyle back on track.

Snow day!!!!

2010-01-04T07:11:00.005-06:00

I love snow days. Time off with pay! No vegging out for me though, I am going to treat this just like a work day. I have had 11 days off, and I have been so lazy. Now on this freebie I will use it for my good. Clean the house, put the rest of the decorations away, exercise, and plan my meals for the week. Yay!!! 2010 so far I am liking it.!!!!

Holey Moley! 2009 was fine, but 2010 we will win!

2010-01-01T08:27:00.005-06:00

Take one last look at yourself Betty, this year I will say good-bye to bad habits, make lasting changes and lose this weight once and for all. I have to say I have not handled the holiday season well, if I am to cook like I always have for the holidays then I must learn to lighten up the recipes. At any rate I know this, unhealthy eating does not feel good. No exercise, does not feel good. I am at my best when I take care of myself, so 2010 I may have messed up for the last two months, but I did well the rest of the year. Here is to change, I can do this and I will.

Not loving it!

2009-12-25T15:04:00.001-06:00

I'm not losing it, and I am Not Loving It!

I have to keep reminding myself I am not a bear in hibernation, and I don't need to eat enough for the whole winter in just 2 days. I do not do good in lock down....

It was a Holiday that turned into Holidays and now I am in a Holidaze!

2009-12-09T19:08:00.005-06:00

The kids table

I can't believe it has been a month since I have blogged. Getting ready for Thanksgiving and Christmas has always been one of my favorite times of the year. I love cooking, looking through recipe books, planning my Christmas list. I love it all, even black Friday. I had hoped I could incorporate my healthy recipes into the holiday menu's but it was not to be. I caved, made my usual cornbread dressing, pumpkin bread, and I ate a little bit of everything. Had I only ate like that for one day things would be different, nope I have continued to disregard my menu planning and counting points went completely out the window. I have 15 days until Christmas and 2 more parties to attend. I refuse to throw in the towel, I refuse to quit just because I am struggling. One thing I have noticed in my world, people are not particularly happy to be around someone that is eating healthy and trying to lose weight. I always feel like the odd man out. I really wish I could come to terms with this.

Tonight I am making a crustless pumpkin pie, tomorrow I will eat only what I take for lunch...I will not let this Holidaze over take me any longer.

Birthday Cake

2009-11-08T22:23:00.002-06:00

So what do you do when you make your son his favorite meal, Fried Chicken, Mashed Potatoes, and Sliced Tomatoes, and Cole Slaw. Well if you are anything like me, you sit down and eat. I did exactly that. I just didn't eat very much. Then I brought out the cake I had made the night before. I was so proud of myself for not licking the spoon once. Turns out son doesn't like cake, didn't want to eat it or take it with him. So I decided to pack it up and take it to work and give it to my workmates, only by then I had started having a bad day. Cake + bad day = bad choices. So I ate a piece, I didn't even like it. I sulked around for awhile, talked to some friends then I decided to get up and work that cake off. Cake + 45 minutes aerobics = better day!!!

It wasn't the Birthday cake that defeated me (temporarily), it was the attitude.

Attitude check (was all I needed)..Birthdays happen every year...(note to self) next year don't make a cake.

Trick or Treat!

2009-11-01T14:52:00.003-06:00

For those of you that have been following me for the the past 6 months, and for those of you that have been following my for most of my life see those candies up there, I bought 5o bags of these little goodies. Last night when all the little goblins came to my door to beg for candy, I gave them popcorn balls (2points) and M&M's. I did not eat one, not one piece of candy all day and all night. This is a first in the history of my life. I did not even want one. I know there will be times when I don't fare so well, lots of holiday's coming up, but for now I am just happy. Learning to live a healthy lifestyle is not always hard, some days are easy and some are not, but I have learned one thing for sure, one day at a time is all it takes. On my way............Hooray!!!

So, I ate an apple!

2009-10-23T13:37:00.002-05:00

I am not big on changes, I never have been, but sometimes you just have to make some changes and see if they work. I will start with the glasses. I normally like rimless glasses mainly because it looks like I am not wearing glasses from a distance. It took me forever to get used to those things on my face. So it is as simple as this, when I was getting new glasses the other day, several people (including my husband) said go with these, it's like you're making a statement. So I write the check out and await my new glasses. When we got home I kept thinking about how I hate change so much, obviously staying in the same rut hasn't served me well. So I decided that I would do things I normally would not do. When I walked into the kitchen, I realized I hadn't had anything to eat except for 1 slice of toast that morning. I got so hungry when it dawned on me that I started searching for something good to tide me over until I could prepare something for dinner. There on the table sat a 3 pound bag of apples I had bought for my husband, it's not that I won't eat apples or that I hate them, its just that the only way I like them is either saturated with salt or slathered with peanut butter. I usually peel them and layer them with calories, instead I got one of those shiny apples and washed it off sat down and ate it with the peeling on and only a tiny bit of salt. It was good (Who knew), I have been telling myself for ages I don't like them that way. I may not be big on changes, but changes I will make. They may seem small to you, but they are huge to me. Being healthy, eating healthy has been so rewarding. The benefits are better sleep, better health and maybe these changes will bring some excitement to this otherwise boring life I have landed myself in lately.

I'm mad!!!

2009-10-19T21:23:00.002-05:00

I am, I am really upset with myself for giving into my emotions tonight. I made a terrible dinner, it was so bad that I tossed it after 3 bites. I made an effort. My husband ate about 1/4 of his before his hit the disposal. So then I start snacking, snacking and snacking. Who knows how many points I ate. I had such a great 2 days, then one minor disappointment and I just mess it all up. I am in a funk and I can't seem to get over it. I absolutely will not give up, but dang, dang dang this is hard. I am mad....There I said it.

It's Not Rocket Science Y'all...

2009-10-12T11:08:00.008-05:00

Well it may not be Rocket Science , but it is a science, one that I am not smart enough to figure out on my own. You would think if they can put a man on the moon, that they could come up with a plan for us to lose weight and keep it off. Yes, there has been tons of research and yes, there have been many plans for losing weight and keeping it off. I found one of those plans, and I know it works, but make no mistake, you must follow the plan. There are so many choices on the plan that works for me ( and that's a good thing) but it can also be the hardest part of eating healthy. There are some things that I have to say no to, I am realizing this the longer I am on this journey. There are also things that I have to say yes to as well.

There really isn't any way I can draw out a plan and just go with it, there are just to many curves in the road. One bad choice sometimes leads me to another, and it takes me awhile to get back on track but there are some things I can do.

I can refuse to give up, when I feel defeated.

I can drag my sad self up and exercise

( even when I am not in the mood).

I can except the fact that this is not a precise science, it is not a magic number on my scale.

I can set goals, and achieve them.

I can plan my meals out, and when I have to, I can change those plans

There are a few things I can't do though,

I can't indulge in foods that ( I simply can't get enough of), I'm not saying I can't eat them, I just can't indulge.

I can't allow myself to believe that this will not require hard work.

I can't quit, that is where I draw the line.

At some point you have to quit saying I think I can, I think I can, and start saying

I know I can, I know I can.

Caution...Trigger foods ahead...

2009-10-09T19:53:00.004-05:00

I think I was a little to sure of myself this week, I started out well, hit a speed bump and made a bad choice, then I made another bad choice. The food I chose was not bad, it was good. It was healthy, it was nutritious, it was yummy, but I could not walk away from it. So if something has the equivalent of 3 points and it is very filling, that should be a good thing, but for me it was bad, very very bad. What is 3 X 6? Yeah, its almost my whole days points. I wish the yellow CAUTION TAPE would have been taped all over this food. I am wondering if I am just not going to be able to bake at all (that makes me sad). I can't reason with myself on this one, I hit the skids this week, it was only 2 days and I will not let this get me down. Tomorrow will be better. I will make it so.

Soup's on!

2009-09-28T09:26:00.014-05:00

First thing Saturday morning I put one bag of 15 Bean soup on to cook. I followed the instructions on the bag except I did not add ham. The Chicken bouillon flavors it enough. I made a potato base soup next. Just throw everything into the crock pot except the milk. When the potatoes, onions and celery are tender I add the milk. You may want to add a little corn starch, I like mine thin. Salt and pepper to taste.

To this base I add either:

*1 can of Broccoli and Cheese soup

*2% Velveeta Cheese

*Corn.

I made the Chicken based soup and then added the following ingredients:

Rice, Noodles, or White Bean Chicken Chili mix with 2 cups of the 15 Bean soup

When the soups are done just follow the steps below. I now have 35 cups of soup frozen and ready to toss in my lunch bag.

******************

*******************

With the cold weather coming on, I made some chili too and made use of the beans from the 15 Bean Soup!

***********

Just so you know , this did not take up my entire Saturday. I made a cake for my husband, had my son and his family over for dinner and unfortunately did laundry!

Time to put the chef's hat on.

2009-09-25T12:38:00.011-05:00

Oh how I wish my Ji Yeon was here. We always had such fun creating recipes. So since I am missing her I dressed in my Korean Chef clothes. Tomorrow I will be making soups of all kinds. The recipes will be added next week(if the soup passes the taste test). I am shopping for all the ingredients tonight, I am making 4 base soups and then changing them up a bit.

Sunday was my husbands Birthday but we were so busy all week we decided to celebrate it this week-end. I ask him what kind of a Birthday cake he wanted and he asked for a White cake with white frosting, oh my how exciting. I think this will be one cake that won't tempt me.

What a fun week-end grilling steaks, making soups and eating cake!

I love me some Soup!

2009-09-24T13:28:00.003-05:00

I love to cook when I have the time, when I have the energy to clean up afterword is a big factor as well, so when I came up with this cook and freeze plan it was perfect for me. An easy way to

Store homemade soup is to Fill up bags, then lay them flat in the freezer. When the bags of soup freeze flat, you’ll be able to pile them up like stacked books for easy, space-saving storage. You can then label them and add the points. This is my non-baking plan of action....Soup!

If you make a soup base, then you can make some variations.

I will start with:

A.Potato soup

1. Potato Corn Chowder

2. Broccoli and Cheese and Potato Soup

B. Chicken Soup

1.Chicken Noodle Soup

2. Chicken and Rice Soup

3.White Chicken Chili

4.Chicken Tortilla Soup

C. Vegetable Soup

1. Vegetable beef Stew

2.Vegetable Bean Soup

D. Chili

1. Stoup (Spaghetti and meat soup)

*************************

I will probably add to my soup list in the future, if you have a favorite waist friendly soup please share it with me in the comments. I will take a picture and share it with you when I start my Soup Kitchen.

Cookies, Cakes, I want to make it I want to bake it.

2009-09-17T19:36:00.002-05:00

When it gets nippy outside, I want to bake, I want to cook......... I have always loved this time of the year. Now I must try really hard to find another way......Can I find a different way to enjoy this time of the year. Can I become a master Chef and come up with healthy food, that is sweet and savory. Can I do this? I think so....

2009-09-17T19:35:00.001-05:00

ImageChef.com Poetry Blender

What Motivates Me!

2009-09-13T14:05:00.003-05:00

My motivation changes from time to time so I will just tell you what motivates me today. In fact it has been one of my primary motivations since I started living healthy. When I first started on this journey I really just wanted to feel good, then somewhere along the way, (maybe after I started feeling better) I started wanting to look better. Some days, even that isn't enough. Some days I have to search for something to motivate me. That is where my bloggy friends come in handy, when I ain't feeling it I just turn to the blogs and most of the time I find something that inspires me to push through. Clothes have never done it for me, I can buy an outfit that is to small hang it up so I can see it and it does absolutely nothing to inspire me. I am not sure if goals even work for me, ( I don't like pressure). What motivates me may not motivate you and you may have to go on your own search, if you do write it down, blog about it, tell someone about it. It helps, I promise.
Next year I will be Sixty, I can barely type that, I just know that I wish it had not taken me this long to decide to live a healthy life. I guess its never to late, so here is to living life to its fullest from this day forward!!!!

Some things I like (no.... love)

2009-09-10T21:28:00.009-05:00

Weigh~in Day when I lose weight! Yea!!!!

2.5 Pounds

a total of 34.5lbs.

Edamame, Where have you been all my life? I love this stuff. I especially love "Seapoint Farms" I am not advertising for them, I just love their product. Yum. They are slightly salty, filling and sooo good for you, if you haven't tried them you must.

One more thing I love~ "the journey". The good days are so much better, after I have past through the bad days. Weight Watchers has really been helpful in my life, but I think the thing that has been most helpful to me is finally...... finally realizing that there are so many things out there that taste great, I don't have to be stuck eating food that is terrible and hoping that soon I can dive into that hot fudge sundae, if I want to eat that I do. I just plan for it, and make better choices the rest of the week. It's not that hard really, I just always believed it to be. I choose to lose, I choose to make changes, and sometimes I choose to eat something not so good for me...Then I choose to eat better the next day!

Time off!

2009-09-06T08:50:00.002-05:00

Everyone have fun....... I am.

It's gonna happen!

2009-09-03T08:22:00.008-05:00

Yesterday I went to a luncheon! I was prepared to be tempted with a great desert, and fully prepared to enjoy some. I ate my sandwich and salad but just looked at the cheese cake and decided to pass! Did I say that? Yep, and to be honest it didn't bother me even a little bit. I walked away with these beautiful flowers and I was very content. When I got back to my office I opted for a Yogurt parfait, and finished my work day feeling really good about myself. When I got home, I told my husband I really didn't want to eat a big dinner so maybe we could just eat something light for dinner. We did...... One hour later I was starving....... I had a couple of pieces of dark chocolate, then a Weight Watchers ice cream..... Still starving so I made myself a big bowl of..... Oatmeal....Not just a regular bowl of oatmeal but....

Oatmeal with more chocolate and peanut butter and pecans, and a little coconut! I was so full after that snack my tummy was killing me. I am sure I used at least 12 to 15 of my extra points and I asked myself why I let this happen after such a good day. I didn't feel deprived over the cheesecake at lunch but for some reason I just wanted to splurge! It was good and I could have had 1/4 of it and I would have been content. I guess these things are going to happen. once in a while.

Today is a new day. Today I will move with no regrets. I had the points, I used the points, no big deal. This time I will not beat myself up for indulging!

This is not a piece of cake!

2009-09-01T13:22:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I just don't want to choose the healthy option. I would much rather give in and eat that cake. The problem for me is, one piece is never enough. If the cake is in my kitchen, it screams at me just minutes after I have had a piece. It's not even a question of being full, or satisfied, I don't think I have an enough button when it comes to cake.

There is nothing easy about this healthy lifestyle. Today, I didn't want to walk on my lunch break, I wanted to sit down and enjoy my lunch, but instead I made myself get up and go. My mind kept wandering back to my office, and I started to get irritated, I didn't even want to listen to the music that usually lights my fire. I just kept walking, and soon it was not hard or difficult at all. It was easy, it was fun.

Eating cake, is not really unhealthy, but overeating it, is. Thinking and obsessing about it is, and it may take me a little longer to walk away from that cake so, for the time being I will have to have to bake and take (my friends will love me for that).

Yep it's that time of the year, baking cakes is one of my favorite things to do, eating them is next. Anyone out there want to throw some prayers up for me , now is the time.

Sunday....Sweet day of rest!

2009-08-30T17:42:00.003-05:00

This has been a good day. I overslept, first time in ages, and it felt so good. I hated to miss church....... but oh how I needed the sleep. My body is not being good to me this week. It is holding on to lost weight, I did everything right, I can only assume my fat loves me. It hates to leave. I am not going to be good to those fat cells this week, maybe if I ignore them they will leave. Wish this week would fly by, I need my 3 day weekend really bad.

This is my menu plan this week:

Monday: Grilled Chicken w/ grilled squash 4 points.....Gonna have a good desert!
Tuesday: Tostados 6 Points
Wednesday: Beef Stroganoff 6 Points
Thursday: Talipa and Potatoes 6 Points
Friday: Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup 6 Points

Whoo Hoo..... Lets do this.

Somewhere Between Here and There!

2009-08-27T13:22:00.002-05:00

I wish I knew the secret that so many people seem to have. It's that between here and there secret. Right here, right now I have the resolve, the desire and all the optimism required to make it to next weeks weigh-in with a great loss. The problem for me is not the "here and now," it's the "there" that gets me every time. Why is it that when I can get up in the morning, I am so ready to take on the day. I prepare my breakfast, get my lunch ready to take to work, I take the meat out of the freezer for dinner and in that moment I'm on top of it all. Then all it takes is one moment of boredom, one moment of unexpected stress for me to realize my resolve is well.... not there anymore. How do I lose it so easily? Why does this keep happening? To be fair, I have not lost sight completely since I started this journey of eating healthy. I just feel like I go two steps forward only to find that I am also going one step backwards. It frustrates me that I have a hard time even making it one week without a setback. How does one get the mindset of a trainer, how does one set a goal and move toward that goal with out flinching. I am losing, and even though I want to blame my old age, my sluggish metabolism, I would get to my goal so much quicker if I could I could get from here to there. Oh well!

Planning ahead.........

2009-08-23T18:28:00.002-05:00

I am not a gourmet cook, if I can't get my meal cooked fast it drives me crazy. I don't have a ton of patients, and the kitchen is not my favorite place. I am also not rich, but if you want to eat healthy you better plan on using a little bit more money on the food budjet. I read blogs everyday from people on the same journey as me, for the most part they are helpful, but almost everyday I see a recipe, or a new product that is just the best ever, and of course I can't rest until I track it down. I went to every store within a 40 mile radius to find those "sandwich thins". They are good, but in my mind they were going to make this whole process easier. That is probably the one thing I strive for the most, easy, easier or easiest. This new lifestyle is not easy. I am always looking for ways to make things easier. If you have any tips please share them with me and save me some time searching.

So that is it. Now you know I am Fast, Cheap and Easy!!

Post it!

2009-08-21T20:03:00.005-05:00

When we first began having International students stay in our home while they were studying English at our university, I would put post it notes all over the house. On the mirror, on the door, on the refrigerator. The notes were just words written in English. They knew what a door was, and a mirror, but remembering how to say it in English was not easy. It made it easier to remember what they already knew. It dawned on me the other day, that I knew what to do to maintain my healthy lifestyle, but sometimes, I need to be reminded. So these are my post it notes.

I think I'm tired, I am tired. I worked all day, most of it sitting at my desk. I walk or exercise during my breaks, and lunch, but when I get home I just want to sit down and do more of what I did all day. Sit! I know I need to move a little but I just can't seem to remember to do it. When I was younger my mom used to tell me to go to school, and if I felt bad after I got there I could come home. I never did. The same goes for exercising, when I start it, I enjoy it. I feel better. I don't quit.

I am usually my own worst enemy. I am the only one that says...you look fat in that...I can't believe you ate that...Why are you so lazy... The truth is most of the time I am doing good. Most of the time I feel good about myself. The problem is I do still hear that voice that says those negative things, I probably always will, so I will have to remind myself, until it is second nature. I may even have to make another post it that says DON'T IGNORE THE POST-ITS.....

I danced!

2009-08-20T20:32:00.003-05:00

Yes I did.

I had my hair highlighted!

I made it through a busy work day.

I talked to an old friend ( she isn't old). I miss her.

I found out someone I love is going to have a boy!

I walked with my husband, not far but it was a walk.

I danced, yes I did. I danced while I sat at my desk, when I was waiting for the color to set in my hair, and in my heart I danced.

Sometimes I want to dance....

2009-08-19T20:43:00.002-05:00

I don't want to deal with the problems that always seem to find me...I want to dance
I don't want to get an invitation to everyone's problems......I want to dance
I don't want to think about the mistakes that I have made....... I want to dance
I don't want to think about an uncertain future...... I want to dance

I don't' want to.....but sometimes I have too. I hate it when my pretend life get interrupted by any of the above. My favorite saying is:

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass......It's about learning to dance in the rain."

I want to dance, even when my heart is broken, or even if I am frustrated by seeing someones life that is in ruin. I want to deal with my life, my choices with honesty, not pretending that everything is ok, and later realize that I have broken my pretender. I always try to fix things in my life so that I can function at my best. When everything is in its place, I can pretend that all is well. When I can't fix it, I eat, I cry, I have a hard time motivating myself. I don't want to wait, so tomorrow I will dance. I will!

Like eating in a Mexican Restaurant

2009-08-16T16:14:00.007-05:00

I felt like I was eating in a Mexican restaurant today, and I made it myself. Yum, so good this recipe gets a 4 star rating. It was cheesy, and spicy and very filling.

Baked Tostado
1 tostado shell
2 T. Salsa
1oz. lean cooked ground beef
¼ cup rice
¼ cup black beans
¼ cup green enchilada sauce
2 oz. 2% cheese
Layer the items on the Tostado shell using the green enchilada sauce then cheese last. Bake covered for 20 minutes, then uncover for last 5 minutes.
Very good.

I served it with black beans and rice with just 1 Tablespoon grated cheese.

Un-Packed

2009-08-15T08:25:00.004-05:00

The little train that could!

Happy Face! I am all un-packed. Yep I have everything put away including those ugly pounds I packed on during my vacation.

Whoo Hoo!

No big post today it is Saturday so I am going to play!!!!

Black Bean Soup and Changes are coming!

2009-08-11T18:17:00.008-05:00

Easiest Black Bean Soup Ever

2 cans Back Beans

1 cup salsa (I used Peach Salsa)

1 can Chicken Broth

Blend one can of drained and rinsed Black beans with salsa and Chicken Broth. Rinse the other can of Black Beans and add the the blended beans mixture. Heat, add a dollop of Sour Cream and enjoy. Very low in points. One cups was only 2.5 points.

Recess is over.

I am not trying to kid anyone, I have tried to eat healthy and exercise more. I have succeeded much of the time, but I have not made this my top priority. It really has been relatively easy for me, so now I am ready to kick it up a notch. Recess is over, I am ready to get serious, lose some pounds and step out of my comfort zone. Not knowing exactly what direction this will lead me into makes me very uncomfortable, but it's gonna be worth it. I want to surprise myself, I want to do things I thought I couldn't do. I want to do things, I don't like to do, and I want to learn to like those things. I have a list, not sure I want to post my list yet, I am sure my list will change, some things I will keep, some I will ditch, but one thing is for sure and for certain..... Things are about to change.

Change #1 Exercise before work. That means getting up earlier. I can do this!

Stay tuned more changes to come....

No! I am not holding my husband captive.

2009-08-10T11:13:00.007-05:00

But I am sure he will say I am. Today is "day one" of his healthy eating journey. I will not blog about his journey, but I am sure his will affect me. We have tried this before, and not with good results. I have high hopes this time though, I am no longer trying to entice my husband on yet another diet, but I am going to give him the tools to eat healthier. It all starts with Weight Watchers of course, but more than that, I want him to see the benefits of this lifestyle. He is ready to do this, and I am ready to help ( I think). I really want this to be a good experience, since it will be a "for the rest of our lives thing" and I am preparing myself for not being his jailer. I am sure he will be happy about that. For me the hard part will be not making him my project, and not allowing his success or lack of success to affect my emotions. So on day one I called him to see how he was doing. It appears he is just fine, he ate his lunch I had prepared for him, for breakfast, and he said he would hunt something up when he got home, (insert eye roll here) then laugh. I am afraid this will be one long journey....

Oh Wow!

2009-08-08T22:34:00.004-05:00

When I first started blogging I had no idea how this simple act would change my life. My first blog was 128 days ago, I was doing this for me then and I still am, but something happened along the way. I started listening to me, maybe it is just writing it down and reading my own words that makes validating my own thoughts easier for me. There is no one that will ever be a bigger cheerleader for me than myself. I know this, I always have, yet I am the one that listens to the other thoughts (the ones I have allowed to steal my resolve.) I am the one that use to beat myself up for messing up, for eating something really bad for me. I said use to because somewhere during this journey I have stopped doing that. I still get mad at myself and I let myself know it when I overeat to the point of feeling bad, or if I mindlessly eat to fill a void, but I think that eating healthy has become a part of me. When I eat things that are really unhealthy or just to much, like I did on vacation last week, I can't wait to get back to my new habit of feeling good. It's not so much about the weight gain, yes I gained 2.5 pounds in one week, but I just felt bad the entire time. The thing that feels good to me is, I listen to the good thoughts more now. It helps writing them down and reading your own words. I love my blog and I can't wait to see what changes are waiting for me in the future.

2009-07-26T16:16:00.002-05:00

I have a bad cold and I don't feel good!
And in three days I am going on a road trip to this place.

So do you think it would be okay to take a break from blogging and counting every point, and calorie that goes into my mouth. I am just tired and I hope I don't do to much damage, but I am going to take a 10 day break. Yikes.... that's a long time, I probably won't eat everything in sight but it is hard enough going on vacation, but when you have no strength to keep at it, I guess the next best thing is to be careful and have fun.....

The Snail

2009-07-21T12:44:00.004-05:00

One day, one hour, one minute, one second and one choice at a time, that is all I have to manage. Time is flying by me so fast I can hardly remember what happened last week. I choose in this moment not to worry about how long it is taking me to rid myself of these unwanted pounds. I am awake about 63,000 seconds a day and the choices are never ending, but the fact is I make good choices all the time, and once in a while out of all those choices I make a bad one. Unfortunately depending on the choice I make it can impact me for a day, a week, or my life. Food choices are one of the things that will impact my life forever, so I have to make good choices. The same goes for exercise, I have to choose to get up and move.

So here's to the journey even if it is a snails journey I am destined to take, let it be. I will try to remember this saying “Even the snail reached the ark” I will reach the ark.

One Hundred Ten Days Whoo Hoo!

2009-07-20T19:18:00.003-05:00

All of my friends that are dieting along side of me, are losing weight so much faster than me. I don't know why, but I know sometimes it just stinks to finish the race last, but I am starting to see that it is the race, not the finish line that is important. What if no one I knew, was dieting, what if there was no scale, what if there was no race. There is a race though, I make sure of that. Every time some one tells me they lost 3 or 4 pounds I immediately start thinking of ways to improve what I am doing. But short of going on The Biggest Loser, it looks like if I follow the Weight Watchers program it is going to come off one pound at a time.

It has been One Hundred and Ten days, and I have lost 19 pounds. That is a little over 4 pounds a month. Not great, but not bad either. One third of a year, I want to do this 365 days, then I want to start over and do it again. Living healthy is something I don't ever want to stop doing. If I lose 20 pounds the next 4 months, and 20 pounds the next 4 months, then in one year I will reach my goal. Whoo Hoo!
I will probably have to pull this post out and read it from time to time, when I am discouraged, but I do realize this is not a diet, it is my life, this is not a race, it is my life. This year I have lost several Friends, to death. They were all younger than me, so for me, my life is a celebration and I want to live it as healthy and as happily as I can.

Healthy Snacks!

2009-07-17T15:04:00.004-05:00

Hello my name is Betty and I'm a grazer. I can only imagine how hard it is to give up alcohol, or drugs, food has its hold on me. I wonder sometimes if I will ever overcome this. I don't enjoy grazing on just anything though. I tend to go for the salty or sweet, or on some days I need something salty first, then I chase it with something sweet and of course and on a really bad day I go back and for until I am full.....or sick. In an attempt to sabotage myself I have to make myself a snack tray each day and leave it on my desk or on my table at home, somewhere I can see it and when I want a snack it will have to come first from my tray. This little muffin tin works perfect. Six 1/2 cup snacks. Most of the snacks are either 1 point, 2 points or zero points. I usually try really hard to put at least 3 zero points snacks in my tin, never more than one 2 point snack.

Here is a list of snacks I like:
Cheese sticks
Apples ( I put the whole apple in one round)
Apricots, dried
Berries (any kind)
Cherries
Cantaloupe
Crackers
Laughing Cow cheese
Pop Corn
Muffin tops (Vitalicious)
orange
Pretzel sticks
Broccoli
Carrots
Celery
Tomatoes
Cucumbers
Pop Corn Clusters
WW Cookies
There are tons more, my goal...... to find healthy snacks, until I overcome my grazing addiction.

No more excuses, so what if it's hot outside!

2009-07-13T10:56:00.003-05:00

I am not really very good at adapting to change, but sometimes you just have to do it and find something good in the changes. I work in an office and sit most of the day, so my two breaks and lunch hour have always been a high priority for me to get outside and walk. It is close to an hour of movement, and I love walking on our campus. I have always said, "why do I need a gym, I have high incline walking, stair stepping, and beautiful walkways at my fingertips." My ipod has become my most cherished piece of exercise equipment, but there are times when its just not possible to get out there and walk. When it is raining, or freezing cold, or if it is 100 degrees out side. I was still walking when it was 85 degrees, but when the humidity was bad, I about died. So since I would have to walk to the gym on campus to exercise indoors, that was a big NO, and I can't just sit here at my desk all day long, I decided to buy Leslie Sansone's Walk Slim DVD. Let me tell you, it about kicked my butt. I found a little hiding spot in the back of our very cold equipment room and I just pop the DVD in to my player and "instant gym". I am always freezing when I start out, but about 5 minutes into it I am nice and warm and when I am finished I am sweating up a storm. It's a good thing I share a cubicle with just me :-). I like this change, but I will be happy for the trade off of walking outside again when the weather is nice. I think I get a better workout with the DVD, but I miss my music, and the fresh air.
So whoo hoo for me No More Excuses!

Time to get serious, REALLY!

2009-07-11T19:41:00.003-05:00

I have been doing this for 3 months now, and I have only lost 18 pounds, thats not counting the 2 pounds I gained this week either. I know I will lose it this week, but I am frusterated because I really haven't gave it 100%.

Today I walked and jogged 4 miles and when I finished I sang "I feel good, like I knew that I would". It did feel good, and I am so sore at the moment I can hardly move, but I realized, that was 100%. That is what I must do every day. I may not exercise that much every day, but I will try harder to eat right, move more and take one more step toward my goal.

Whoa! Did I eat that?

2009-07-09T20:28:00.002-05:00

I have had a stressful week, and I don't do stress very well. I really thought I had a better handle on my eating habits but not so. I planned for eating healthy, I took food with me to my family's home. What I didn't count on was the fact that I would slide right back into the grazing habit that pretty much has always been my Achilles' heel. I am glad I lost 3 pounds last week, because I am not feeling good about this week at all. I tried to get back on track today but I was starving all day, and since I used all my extra points for the next 3 weeks in the last 3 days, I had a hard time today. I drank a green monster for my snack tonight even though I was out of points, I consoled myself with the thought that it was healthy and only 3 points.

On the positive side I did exercise today for 35 minutes. I am hoping that tomorrow I will find my resolve. This weekend I will plan, plan, plan and I will get back my 3 pound weight loss, that I have not officially gained back since my weigh-in is on Saturday. Just being honest. (insert big smile here)

What a blast this is!

2009-07-05T11:05:00.002-05:00

Living healthy goes against every thing I have ever experienced. The world I live in, the people I surround myself with, their lifestyle is just like mine has always been, so I want to join in and consume the candy, the cake and the fried foods. I want to but, I don't want to so I am torn should I give in once in a while, or should I constantly be in a battle with myself over this. I have decided that for me, I will join in once in while. I won't turn my nose up and insult the people that love the foods I have always loved as well, but I will put my butt back in the healthy car as soon as I leave the party. It's not about every single meal, its about the 22 other meals that week. I had a great fourth of July, I ate well, and I also ate a few things I shouldn't but I had a blast, and oh yeah I Lost 3 Pounds last week! Yea!!!

In loving memory of my Aunt.

2009-07-03T18:49:00.002-05:00

I will be away for the week at the funeral of my Dear Aunt. I hope I will continue to live in a healthy way in spite of the sad days ahead.
God be with you.

Seven days makes one weak!

2009-06-29T19:51:00.009-05:00

Good Choices!

I haven't posted for five days, summer is kicking my butt. The heat, the long days, everything has changed and while I am loving these changes, they are constantly requiring me to make quick decisions about my healthy lifestyle. Weekends have always been hard, because of the spontaneity. I was reading this blog the other day at Prior Fat Girl She said something that really stuck with me. She said you DO NO GET THE WEEKEND OFF from being healthy.... This is not a job. For some reason I have been striving to be healthy for five days and the next two days, I have been struggling. I am not getting stronger when I am fighting the same battles every weekend. In fact summer is alot like weekends. I can't wish it away, I wouldn't want to. So I am going to take the rest of the summer as a great learning tool. So on Saturday, another Fourth of July party. I will have to be creative, but I can make this work. I just need to think of foods that make me drool, foods that won't make me sorry that I am the only one in the room trying to swim against the stream. I have had a lot of food that is healthy and fabulous. So here is to each day, Seven of them, when I skip two days I am weaker, when I succeed for seven days it makes a great WEEK.

I am loving losing myself a little at a time.

2009-06-23T18:39:00.005-05:00

Oh Yum! Boca Burgers and Peach Salsa. Soooo Good!

Only 4 points Total.

I am so happy with the way things are going with this new healthy living. When I first began, it seemed to go so slow. I was fussy, and irritable because the pounds wern't coming off fast enough. Now I couldn't feel better about things. Each day I feel stronger, and this struggle is teaching me so much. There was a time when I went on vacation, ate whatever I wanted, then found it impossible to get back on track. It was so much easier this time around. I believe it is because I have found the secret. It is in the living, part, the day to day learning to do what is best for my health. Today a co-worker brought brownies, I passed by those brownies at least 10 times, but I never once felt tempted. I brought a Chocolate Chip Banana muffin for Breakfast and they are so good, only 4 points and lots of fiber. Good choices, lead to good days. Today was a good day! [Day 80]

Day Seventy-Nine

2009-06-22T12:45:00.004-05:00

When a person reaches my age you would think that some wisdom would automatically be at hand when you need to call on it. Not so. I am finding all the things I have been learning on this journey may not have been correct or maybe these things that make me what I am have been part of my problem all along. Since I don't have the time or inclination to fix everything, and try to relearn all of these fallacies I will try to examine some of my beliefs about my weight loss.

Someday I can eat what I want to. --Fact-- I can now, within reason.

If I cheat, no one will know. --Fact-- I will know every time I weigh or look in the mirror.

Some day this struggle will be over. --Fact--The struggle is my teacher, and I will always be a student.

Ignoring it doesn't make it go away.--Fact--This is so true, face it, track it, never ignore it.

There is no way to eat healthy on a trip.--Fact-- Planning, makes it possible, not easy, but possible.

When I am feeling sorry for myself, indulge.--Fact--indulge in the fresh air, a long walk, some good music, A good book, a little quite time, not food....

When I am angry I will feel better if I indulge.--Fact--when I indulge I will be angrier.

When I am happy it is OK to celebrate with food. --Fact-- Yes it is OK, just keep track and plan for it.

When I reach my goal this diet will be over.--Fact-- This is not a diet, when I reach goal my lifestyle will still be a struggle, but maybe just maybe I will learn to live this healthy lifestyle.

Someday I will not have to exercise. --Fact-- Not true, I will always have to exercise, I will always have to maintain this lifestyle, eating healthy, and moving..... everyday!

Today will be my last day to count each day, from now on I will try to remember that on April 10th, I made a decision to live a healthy lifestyle and each day thereafter will be a victory!

There is no excuse!!! Day Seventy-Seven and Seventy-Eight

2009-06-21T18:08:00.004-05:00

This is how my day started! 3 points. Great so far.

At some point we realized that we had been so busy we

Forgot to eat. My sister bought a big bag of Almonds with Sea Salt

and I had a couple of handfuls.

We got everything ready for the party and when it finally started I

was starving, we did this party thing all backwards, and had the cake

and ice cream before our meal. So I could not resist. I was starving.

When everyone left, we put the burgers and hot dogs on the grill and

(Katie bar the door) I ate like I had missed 10 meals. I then snacked

the rest of the night.

Sunday wasn't much better, but I got home and made sandwiches with

high fiber bread and baked chips. Tomorrow will be better. It will.

Losing weight and learning to live a healthy life is not user friendly at times. Sometimes I wish I was allergic to all things fattening, maybe then when I was faced with them I would say no thank you with no regrets. It's just hard to go to a party and not eat the cake, oh I know, you can have the cake if you plan for it, but sometimes you have already made a choice that doesn't leave you any more points. So I ate some cake, some ice cream and about 2 hours later I ate a hot dog and Cheetos. I have no idea how many points I consumed but it was way to many. For Seventy Six days I have made good choices, 77 and 78 not so great, but what fun times I had with my family, and I will learn to do better next time.

Day Seventy-Five and Seventy-Six

2009-06-19T08:30:00.003-05:00

Happy 86th Birthday Mom!!!

Well summer is here, and I am afraid the day are getting a little to hectic for me, but I am going to try my best to color in the lines this summer even when it gets a little crazy. I will be gon for the weekend and we will be celebrating my Mom's 86'th Birthday. There will probably be lots of fast food and a lot of choices to make. I hope I make the best choice even if my options are less than favorable. Last night I was so tempted to order in pizza, for the big crowd I had over, but instead I grilled chicken and made veggies on the grill. We went go-carting and out for icecream. I am so proud of myself, I only had about 10 licks then I passed it off to dear hubby. Now if I can make it through the weekend. This is my life, not a six month program or goal so I need to see it that way. Just another day, just another weekend.

Yum!!! Day Seventy-Three and Seventy-Four

2009-06-17T20:28:00.003-05:00

I found this recipe today and I had to try it. It is so yummy, I am not sure about the points but I don't think it's more than 2 points.

Recipe:1 box - lemon cake

mix3/4 cup water

1/3 cup applesauce

2 egg whites

1 box sugar free jello

2 - 8oz. low fat or fat free lemon yogurt

1 - 8oz. fat free cool whip

Instructions:Combine cake mix, water, applesauce and egg whites and jello in bowl, mix until smooth. Stir in 1 container of yogurt.Bake in a sprayed 9 x 13 pan for 30 minutes at 350 degrees or until done.cut in 20 slices, or make 20 cupcakes. Mix cool whip and lemon yougurt for frosting. Yum!

I am doing better, I had two of these babies tonight. I am going to try chocolate next week.

Oiy-Vey.....Day Seventy-Two

2009-06-15T21:40:00.005-05:00

This was monday, and it stayed that way all day. I have PMS and I know it, it will pass, I hope. I did ok today, but my emotions are really getting the best of me so the best thing for me to do is just say, tomorrow will be better. I hope.

When it rains.....Eat soup! Day Seventy and Seventy-One

2009-06-14T12:42:00.002-05:00

I don't love rain, that is no secret. I do love soup though, and how fun to have soup on a rainy day. Gives me a full and warm feeling. Love all the veggies and it is so low in points I can eat it with every meal. I can also throw an exercise DVD in the DVD player and in the privacy of my own home I can stay fit. Who knows this may be a new way of life for me, it seems like it will never stop raining.

So for today I am going to say I love the rain, but please Lord let it go away tomorrow.

Fish Fry Day Sixty-Nine

2009-06-12T13:38:00.003-05:00

I did just eat one and believe me they weren't all that big. There are not any pictures here of the four hushpuppies I ate but they were good, very very good. I had fish, hushpuppies, and fruit. When I got home and started to post my points I had 3 points left. I was a little nervous eating my extra points, but this morning I weighed and I had lost 1 pound. The night before I had lost two pounds so I am not sure what is going on with the scale, but that is not my war. My battle is just to try to stay withing my points, if I do that and I don't lose, well then I will start to worry.
This week was the fish fry, next week is my mom's Birthday so we will be traveling to her house. I am praying that I can stay on track. Wish me luck, soon the summer months will be gone and I don't want to regret it just because I didn't give 100%.

Channeling Elvis... Peanut Butter & Banana Sandwich. Day Sixty- Eight

2009-06-11T09:11:00.006-05:00

I have never tried a peanut butter and banana sandwich before, even though I have heard about them before, they just never sounded very good. Boy was I ever wrong. I got some Naturally More Peanut Butter and decided to give it a try at breakfast. Wow! It was so good. I decided to make it for lunch. This will definitely be a go to meal when nothing sounds good. Quick, easy, and so tasty. Elvis thanks for the new recipe. Loved it.

Click the picture to see the peanut butter.

Tracking my food Day Sixty-Seven

2009-06-10T19:32:00.002-05:00

I really am trying to stop pretending that I didn't swallow that cupcake. It's a hard habit to break. If I don't tell me will it not show up on the scale? If I try to forget about it will it not be a reality? Relearning is a hard thing to do, but I am making every attempt. Last night I wasn't hungry so there was no temptation. Tonight I am, and I keep thinking about those cupcakes, I mean they are made with pumpkin and that is a vegetable! They are also cake, and I ain't fooling anyone but myself. Tracking my food is the only way I can overcome this dangerous habit. It is my 12 step program, my Weight Watchers 10 commandments. Thou shall not cheat, Thou shall not lie, so I will write it down. No excuses, I already feel empowered. YES!

Let there not be rain and there was no rain. Day Sixty-Seven

2009-06-09T19:51:00.010-05:00

There was a really good chance of rain today but it didn't rain.
It amazes me how rainy days affect my mood.
I was all prepared for the onslaught of a torrential rain and it didn't happen. The Weather Man says its coming tonight and tomorrow, and I will
try again to prepare myself for the sleepy, drowsy, weepy mood rain puts me in. I don't know why rain affects me that way but it does, another thing I need to learn to deal with.
I may never learn to love the rain, but I will learn to live with the it.
And I willlearn to dance in the rain.
I have so many bad habits that affect me like the rain,when I allow these habits to creep into my life they overwhelm me.

I am going to strive to overcome these habits.
Some of these habits are:
1.Thinking about what I am going to have for a snack when I am full.
2.Eating that snack, when I am not even hungry.
3.Believing the lie that eating this will make me feel better.
This quote hangs in my Living room where I can see it every day, how often I forget these words.
" Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass....It's about learning to dance in the rain"

Rainy Days....Day Sixty- Six

2009-06-08T18:58:00.006-05:00

I don't like rainy days, it is going to be rainy all week so I need to find a way to get past this without letting it get me down. I have a sit down job, a lazy persons dream job, but it drives me crazy to not be able to move around. I have been walking for awhile now, and it really helps. I walk during both of my 15 minute breaks and I eat at my desk before my lunch break, so when its my lunch break I am free to walk again. When it rains, it just messes everything up. I have got to come up with a plan.

I can take my DVD player and walk away the pounds DVD
I can take my umbrella, and get soggy wet, ( better take some dry clothes)
I can hope that there will be small windows of dryness so I can get out there.

Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain. ~Author Unknown

I want to dance, not complain. I want to find a way to do this not cry because I can't. So despite the forecast come rain or come shine.....I am going to dance.

Beans, Beans, and More Beans! .......Day Sixty-Five

2009-06-07T16:48:00.003-05:00

When I first started on this journey of eating healthy, a good friend came to my rescue. He is from a country where there is less processed foods eaten and more whole nutritious foods are served every day. Beans were something I thought people ate when the money was short and you wanted to make your food budget stretch. He told me to eat beans and rice several times a week. I am not a fan of canned beans so he took me to the store. We bought bags of beans, red beans, black beans, brown beans and white beans. Each week I make a one pound bag of beans with different spices and flavorings. Cumin, Chili Powder, Garlic Salt and Maggi Caldo Sabor a Pollo. I store the beans in the fridge until I am ready to use them. I toss them in salads, I make chili, add them to soups. They make you feel full, and they are so tasty. If you have any recipes you want to share with me that would be great.

Day Sixty-Four

2009-06-06T21:08:00.002-05:00

Yea!!!!!!!!! I lost one and a half pounds this week. I don't do week-ends well so I will see how I make out now that I am watching my points so close. I can't believe it has been 2 months since I have been eating healthy, I have honestly not felt deprived. I will be going to my mom's for her Birthday in 2 weeks, then I have 2 concerts, and a trip to see my sister and my nieces and nephews. It is going to be a busy summer and I am not sure how I will handle it all, but I am determined to do my best.

I have always been an all or nothing person, so it is hard for me to settle for "it's ok" but really I am trying to learn just that, it's ok if I mess up one day, the next day will show up and I can live my life the healthiest way I can. I can do this..........I know I can................And the cool part..........I'm loving it.

Day Sixty-Three

2009-06-05T12:48:00.003-05:00

I'm a geek, I love gadgets. I was born with this gene. Why did I not join Weight Watchers online sooner. This little online app. is just perfect for people like me. People that can't find the notes she writes, or remember what she ate 5 minutes after her meal. I love it.

For me it is all about focus, if I am not careful I will lose my focus and be easily lured away by the sweet and tasty treats that are readily available. I still eat the sweet treats, I still eat some of the things I love, but I have to remind myself that, tonight might not be a good idea. I am very impressionable so if I see a certain food or even talk about it, I want it way to much. This gadget is a good thing because I can look at my points no matter where I am. If I have enough left then I will not deprive myself. Life is short, eat desert, just be smart about it.

Day Sixty-One and Sixty-Two

2009-06-04T19:11:00.004-05:00

Ok...........I panicked, when I got up this morning and got on the scale, ( I am an admitted scale junkie) I was up 2 pounds. So what did I do. I joined Weight Watchers online. I have already lost 13 pounds doing this on my own, but what is with the weight gain. I haven't been cheating, I have stayed on point, and did my exercise, I know it may be water weight, but I decided I better make sure I am doing this right. I am amazed that just because they think I am old that I have to have less points than a 20 year old. Just a few short years ago, I was eating 24 points now I am down to 21. That may be why I haven't been losing very fast, eating too many points. So with a renewed spirit I start this day with a little help from my Weight Watchers friends and I am hoping for a great week.

Day Sixty

2009-06-02T18:43:00.010-05:00

I have been complaining since week one about how slow I am losing weight. Today when I hit day Sixty, I took a look at a calender and it dawned on me, I have averaged one and a half pounds a week in Eight weeks. That is a good thing. Sometimes you just have to see it in black and white.

Blogging has been so helpful to me, I probably would have never realized this, if I wasn't keeping track of every thing I eat each day and all my ups and downs.

So the way I see it, by next January I should be at goal. That is just six months away. Sometimes when I think about it, six months sounds like forever, but time does not standt still and before I know it I will be there. Then my journey will begin, day one of my forever living as a healthy eater. Wow, and with all of the practice I am getting my forever healthy lifestyle should at least qualify me as a worthy opponent.

Day Fifty- Nine

2009-06-01T14:50:00.004-05:00

Dear God,
Thank you for this beautiful hot day! Do you realize, (never mind I am sure you do) that it has either been cold or rainy for months. Not only is it hard for me to motivate myself to get out and move this body up and down the hills of our campus, it is double hard when I have to wear a bulky coat not to mention a worn out umbrella. So I am just so thankful today, I am so ready be warm. Now if you can do something about this food obsession I have I would really love it.

I really want to lose 10 pounds in the next 6 weeks. That would be 1.65 pounds for 6 weeks. I haven't set any goals for myself since I started my weight loss journey. This is my plan of action!

Exercise one hour a day 5 days a week.
Stay in my 22 point point range.
Plan my menu
Keep the clutter down ( clutter depresses me)
Stay busy.
Stay focused on the short range goal. (just 10 pounds)

Today is June 1st. I can do this!!!!

Day Fifty-Seven and Fifty-Eight

2009-05-31T22:08:00.003-05:00

I am well, I think. Tomorrow I will start the dreaded Shred!!!!!!!!!!!!
This was a good week-end, no rain, no stress, and very good eats.

I think I am about 10 pounds away from my old jeans, I can't wait to put those baby's on.

It is important for me to remember that its not about how I have done in the past, or how I am going to do in the future, its about what is happening inside me now. I am getting healthy, I am making healthy choices, and when I don't make a good decision, I am learning that it is only one decision, as long as the next one is correct I am moving forward.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Day Fifty-Six

2009-05-29T10:37:00.004-05:00

I am feeling better today, but after my coughing plague left my body, it left my chest muscles so sore I could only manage a brisk walk today. I feel really good about this week because despite me being on vacation and getting sick when I got back home. I managed to not gain any weight. I didn't lose, but I didn't gain. This is really big for me because every since I was a little girl I would eat when I was sick. Some people just get turned off by food when they are sick, but not me. It has always been a constant comfort to me. This week I did not splurge, or go over my planned meals.

Fifty-Six days, I can do this.

Day Fifty-Five

2009-05-28T18:49:00.002-05:00

I just watched Oprah and she had different people on from the Biggest Loser. I have not had a very good day today, being sick is no fun, I thought this my pull me out of the doldrums . My husband and I listened to these people talk about how the weight loss had changed their life. Then the Losers that had gained back some of their weight came on and each one said that losing the weight was the easy part. Keeping it off was the hard part. I have always known this to be true, but it really hit me in my gut when I saw these people that I invited into my home each week. That is me. I have lost weight plenty of times, a couple of times I really looked good, but I never felt like I was free from this demon that kicks my butt all the time. I think my problem has always been about losing weight, not living healthy. I know I have to cut my portions down, get out and move, give my body the nutrients it needs and then live my life, and fit it all together. This is my goal.

Day Fifty-Four

2009-05-27T19:52:00.001-05:00

Back to normal, sort of. I came home with a cold and I am not really up to doing my my shred today, so I decided to try the push up thing again. I thought maybe I was just doing something wrong, but no, its still very hard for me. Clearly this is one I am really in need of, as soon as I quit coughing my lungs up I am going to do it again.

My brain says, starve a fever, feed a cold, feed a headache, feed a sore throat, feed a cough. My heart says come on you love yourself more than that. Hang on, and so NyQuil here I come. cough cough!