Yes, I am still sick.

I almost didn't post because it is just to depressing. Oh well, the thing is I can usually find a way to make things better, and I am trying but it seems the doctors can't find out what is wrong with me. I am not giving up, but I am through being a research tool as well. Just trying to enjoy the good days now, and hoping for many more. :) Also hoping for normal again.

sick :(

Winning Battles

Lately I have won more battles than I have lost,
but I have lost to many to count. Small victories
really add up, and while I do believe that I can eat
anything I want (within reason), I really want to make
the healthy choice. Sometimes it is a battle (in my own mind)
and sometimes it is just easy. That is what I want more than
anything along this journey. I just want to " want to do this."


Today I was in the snack shack at work, and I really thought about
getting this candy bar. It is only one point per square. It has 5 squares
and it is a dark chocolaty goodness. I picked it up and carried it around
to make sure this is what I wanted,

and then I saw this!

And I wanted it... Yay!!!!

So today this is how it went:

Dark Chocolate Candy.... $1.07

Banana... $ .55

Winning the battle... Priceless

eta: I do realize that chocolate is not unhealthy

Making Choices

Just one minute at a time lately, or so it seems. I can be absolutely on track and doing fine and the next minute I am off center. Not off track, not going forward or backward, but off just a little. It is enough though, to make you crazy.

I have this sever sinus infection and I got a shot of steroids, (give me more) not really! On one hand I feel tons better, I have more energy than I have had in weeks, and I know it is short term, but.... I can be breezing along feeling perfectly full and the next thing I know I am hunting for food....(not good for you food). Fortunately the antibiotics make me a little nauseous or I would be in real trouble.

I wish there was a way to feel this way without the steroids and there dangerous side affects....Oh wait there is, exercise! When I am well and I can beat my body into submission I feel this same way after I exercise, so why the heck do I avoid it so much? I am going to have to give this some major think time, maybe I just had a light bulb moment. I hope I can keep the light on long enough to make that thought a part of me.

Into every life a little rain must fall...enough with the rain!

It is not raining here, not real rain anyway, but it is pouring lately and frankly I can hardly keep my head above the water. I have managed to make good choices most of the time but I have also made some really bad ones.

It seems like every time I push reset, bad things happen. Just as I was starting to gain control my mom fell and broke her hip. I had to travel to her hometown and stay in the hospital with her for 3 days and nights. I only left for some, dare I say "Jack in the Box!" I haven't had a Jack in the box taco since I left California, over 3o years ago. Wow, my memory served me well it was just the same taste, I loved every bite, but I only had one. One fried taco, who knows the calories but it was such a memory pleaser. Then back at the hospital I had pastries from Starbucks to mornings in a row. Back home... and I came down with a severe sinus infection ugh! So I am struggling to get back to my normal.

Blues, Bikes and Barb-Q.....Oh my, I forgot I have a family of bikers staying with me this weekend, What a life.

Roll with the punches.

Today was Grandparents day at my granddaughters school. I am a new grandparent so I was really looking forward to this day, lunch not so much. Walking down the hall I knew I was in trouble, my stomach started to turn. I'm not sure what I was smelling but it didn't smell like food. When we entered the cafeteria my granddaughter was looking around for us, when she spotted us she had the biggest grin on her face, kinda like the one in the photo. We got our tray and my sweet husband just took whatever they served him, however I told the lunch lady I could not resist the big hot rolls so I had better forgo the lunch. I must add the the roll was delicious but the rest of the meal... lets just say it did not look like people food. I didn't know that Kaylei was bringing her lunch or I could have packed one for myself, I will do that the next time. It was a good day, I figured the roll was probably 4 points and I was full so it all worked out. I am doing better for now, I just take it one day at a time, make the best choice I can. It's working :)

"It is Well"

It's one thing to say "it is well" when you are standing on your feet, it's quite another to say "it is well" when you are struggling. Having been knocked off my feet for a while now, I can only boast of not doing well. It seems that unless I have a steady stream of normal I don't do well with my healthy lifestyle. A bump in the road, can throw me to the curb quick. I really am trying to change this about me, even though I know this will probably be the biggest hurdle ever in my attempt to change bad habits. Some call it emotional eating, but for me its not really that, its anything that sidetracks me or causes me discomfort.

I hate that when someone says something negative to me, that I let it affect me so easily. In the past that one thing would send me to the snack drawer, not so much now, but it does a little more damage than I would like. I want so much to be able to say, well those are your thoughts, sorry you feel that way, and still feel like "it is well".

I am working on it, and I am gaining ground.

Yesterday I went to a scheduled luncheon, took the cheese off my Pannini passed on the chips, skipped dessert and walked out with an "it is well" attitude. I didn't feel an ounce of self pity that I could not have those things because I really did not want them. That is progress, and I am for the first time in a while feeling good about my lifestyle changes.

So when the next not normal thing knocks me to the ground, I am hoping I can look up from where I landed and say "it is well" and mean it.