So there I stood with the help of my dad

So there I stood with the help of my dad

I don't remember that day,

I don't think I was even one yet,at least I hope so, since I was still bald :)

I never really gave much thought to him holding me up

he provided for us

he made us laugh

he spanked us

and in his own way he loved us!

Thinking about my dad today

makes me want a hug

Wish he was still here

I would give him one!

Keeping on!
Since this blog is for me, and since I have not kept my part of the bargain that I struck with myself to blog, or journal as often as I could, I feel more than annoyed with myself for not keeping on. This is one of the things that I struggle with the most.

Keeping on!

I am not going to analyze this to death, but I wish I knew why or better yet how to prevent this lack of discipline in myself. I have never been all that good at laying it out there, being honest with myself, let alone anyone that cares to read here.
I do know this:
I will not quit!
I may get sad
I may get mad
I might cry or shake my fist at the sky
But I will not quit.
So listen up girl, if for some reason I don't show up here for a day or two, or maybe even a month, I will still be here keeping on, the best I can.
I will not quit!! (Yeah, I am talking to me)

Three days in a row, I ate right, I exercised and I feel good about that.



“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. Zig Ziglar

My Bucket List!

My Bucket list
First of all I need to take a look in my bucket
toss out the things that are not useful
sort through the things that are
What will I find?
Memories... both good and bad
some that makes me smile
some while bad, are still worthwhile.
Words... I've said and then regretted.
Words... I try to not forget!
Habits... Easy to come but hard to go
Frailties... yes I have a few
some are new...but most have
always been here.
Strengths... This is what I love about myself
and this is what I hate about myself.
I am strong...when I am knocked down
I am strong... when I need to be
I am strong ... when I keep my focus
But....
I am weak... when I am hurt
I am weak...when I lose my focus
I am weak... when I feel alone
Loyalty... Always and Forever
Things that got stuck on me
Impatience...don't like this
Intimidating...don't like this
Bossy...don't like this
High achiever... I like this
Reliable...I like this
Creative...I like this
Forgiving...I like this
Sensitive... I like and dislike this one
So I have a lot to sort through in my bucket,
then I am going to fill it full of all the things that
complete me, that make me happy, that makes
me a better person. Whatever it takes!

The first thing I will add to my bucket today is
Living healthy...look for ways to do this

Whah, whah, whah!

I have been sick....

I have been stressed out....

The weather has been awful....

And the worst possible thing is I got old!

So cry me a river you say. I have spent much of this day looking for inspiration and not really finding any. Most of the time I don't really need a pep talk but sometimes I need for someone besides myself to give me a kick in the backside and tell me to quit whining. Just do it!

I have to admit this getting old thing has been much harder than I thought it would be. I have endured endless teasing at work, and normally I can look ahead with anticipation, but now the finish line is easier to see, and I am still so far from my goal. I told you this was a whah-whah-whah post. I think if I actually write this all down I will see how ridiculous it is and then I can Just do it!

For most of my life I have managed to be content at whatever place I was in, and to be honest when things looked the worst for me, that is when I was at my best. It's not that easy now. I really want a do-over but I realize that's not possible. I wish I had made better choices, I wish this blog was not necessary but it is what it is. So even though I am now old, I must always remember I am losing it, and still learning to live a healthy life.

I forgive me!

It seems like forever since I really felt in control, but in reality it hasn't been that long since I was up at 5:30, (in the wee hours of the morning) doing my exercises, eating healthy and feeling great. Somewhere along the way I got sidetracked, not sure if it was splurging on extra points, grabbing my trigger foods and pretending that this would be the last candy bar I would eat. I'm not sure when I decided that just because my knee was hurting it would be ok to not exercise for awhile. This has been my life for as long as I can remember. How do you restart when you are so mad at yourself for doing the one thing you tell yourself you are not doing again. The only way I can think of is to just forgive yourself and start again. Did you notice I didn't say start over, well that's the good news, I don't have to start over, I have learned to much to have to do that. I am not one that likes to dwell on the past, being introspective is a good thing, but for me it is sometimes just to depressing. I would rather look ahead, plan to do better, and be glad that I can push re-start once again, forgive myself for being weak, get back on track and change the things I can. Being honest, that's the hard part, it's really not that hard to do the right thing, there is freedom in doing the right thing, living your best, taking care of yourself. Don't be fooled by the lies (you hear in your head) They are lies!!! You probably can't eat just one! You probably won't do your exercises when the weather clears up! The truth is I can do this, the truth is I will!

It's me!

I didn't die! :)

My first 5K ever!

Cancer Challenge - 5K - 10K June 26th, 2010

This will be my first race to ever enter. I decided on this race because I have lost family and friends to cancer and I would like to see a cure in my lifetime.

This is a big leap of faith for me, and a huge challenge as well. I am training now and I hope I don't embarrass myself by coming in last. Whatever the outcome, I am going to give it my best effort.

I have been exercising in the early mornings and a good friend has been calling me and offering me support, I know some mornings I would have just blown it off if not for her. Is is hard to change a lifetime of neglecting to exercise and take care of my body? Yes!!!!! It is, but it is so worth it. I am hoping that one day I will jump out of bed and be raring to go, ( will that day ever come), I am not sure at this point if I will ever love it completly, but I am determined to keep it up until it becomes second nature.

Now about that healthy eating thing. I pretty much bottomed out on my trip to Alabama, it is so hard to get back on track, but this is the week I will do it!