Sunday, December 12, 2010

Yes, I am still sick.

I almost didn't post because it is just to depressing. Oh well, the thing is I can usually find a way to make things better, and I am trying but it seems the doctors can't find out what is wrong with me. I am not giving up, but I am through being a research tool as well. Just trying to enjoy the good days now, and hoping for many more. :) Also hoping for normal again.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Winning Battles

Lately I have won more battles than I have lost,
but I have lost to many to count. Small victories
really add up, and while I do believe that I can eat
anything I want (within reason), I really want to make
the healthy choice. Sometimes it is a battle (in my own mind)
and sometimes it is just easy. That is what I want more than
anything along this journey. I just want to " want to do this."

Today I was in the snack shack at work, and I really thought about
getting this candy bar. It is only one point per square. It has 5 squares
and it is a dark chocolaty goodness. I picked it up and carried it around
to make sure this is what I wanted,

and then I saw this!
And I wanted it... Yay!!!!

So today this is how it went:
Dark Chocolate Candy.... $1.07
Banana... $ .55
Winning the battle... Priceless
eta: I do realize that chocolate is not unhealthy

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Making Choices

Just one minute at a time lately, or so it seems. I can be absolutely on track and doing fine and the next minute I am off center. Not off track, not going forward or backward, but off just a little. It is enough though, to make you crazy.

I have this sever sinus infection and I got a shot of steroids, (give me more) not really! On one hand I feel tons better, I have more energy than I have had in weeks, and I know it is short term, but.... I can be breezing along feeling perfectly full and the next thing I know I am hunting for food....(not good for you food). Fortunately the antibiotics make me a little nauseous or I would be in real trouble.

I wish there was a way to feel this way without the steroids and there dangerous side affects....Oh wait there is, exercise! When I am well and I can beat my body into submission I feel this same way after I exercise, so why the heck do I avoid it so much? I am going to have to give this some major think time, maybe I just had a light bulb moment. I hope I can keep the light on long enough to make that thought a part of me.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Into every life a little rain must fall...enough with the rain!

It is not raining here, not real rain anyway, but it is pouring lately and frankly I can hardly keep my head above the water. I have managed to make good choices most of the time but I have also made some really bad ones.

It seems like every time I push reset, bad things happen. Just as I was starting to gain control my mom fell and broke her hip. I had to travel to her hometown and stay in the hospital with her for 3 days and nights. I only left for some, dare I say "Jack in the Box!" I haven't had a Jack in the box taco since I left California, over 3o years ago. Wow, my memory served me well it was just the same taste, I loved every bite, but I only had one. One fried taco, who knows the calories but it was such a memory pleaser. Then back at the hospital I had pastries from Starbucks to mornings in a row. Back home... and I came down with a severe sinus infection ugh! So I am struggling to get back to my normal.

Blues, Bikes and Barb-Q.....Oh my, I forgot I have a family of bikers staying with me this weekend, What a life.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Roll with the punches.

Today was Grandparents day at my granddaughters school. I am a new grandparent so I was really looking forward to this day, lunch not so much. Walking down the hall I knew I was in trouble, my stomach started to turn. I'm not sure what I was smelling but it didn't smell like food. When we entered the cafeteria my granddaughter was looking around for us, when she spotted us she had the biggest grin on her face, kinda like the one in the photo. We got our tray and my sweet husband just took whatever they served him, however I told the lunch lady I could not resist the big hot rolls so I had better forgo the lunch. I must add the the roll was delicious but the rest of the meal... lets just say it did not look like people food. I didn't know that Kaylei was bringing her lunch or I could have packed one for myself, I will do that the next time. It was a good day, I figured the roll was probably 4 points and I was full so it all worked out. I am doing better for now, I just take it one day at a time, make the best choice I can. It's working :)

Thursday, September 9, 2010

"It is Well"

It's one thing to say "it is well" when you are standing on your feet, it's quite another to say "it is well" when you are struggling. Having been knocked off my feet for a while now, I can only boast of not doing well. It seems that unless I have a steady stream of normal I don't do well with my healthy lifestyle. A bump in the road, can throw me to the curb quick. I really am trying to change this about me, even though I know this will probably be the biggest hurdle ever in my attempt to change bad habits. Some call it emotional eating, but for me its not really that, its anything that sidetracks me or causes me discomfort.

I hate that when someone says something negative to me, that I let it affect me so easily. In the past that one thing would send me to the snack drawer, not so much now, but it does a little more damage than I would like. I want so much to be able to say, well those are your thoughts, sorry you feel that way, and still feel like "it is well".

I am working on it, and I am gaining ground.

Yesterday I went to a scheduled luncheon, took the cheese off my Pannini passed on the chips, skipped dessert and walked out with an "it is well" attitude. I didn't feel an ounce of self pity that I could not have those things because I really did not want them. That is progress, and I am for the first time in a while feeling good about my lifestyle changes.

So when the next not normal thing knocks me to the ground, I am hoping I can look up from where I landed and say "it is well" and mean it.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Changing Habits!

This week I am focusing on changing habits. I have noticed one fact since I began blogging, much of my bad food control issues are just bad habits. I say " just" as if that were just another word that is placed in front of another. It is not, I know that it is probably going to be the hardest thing I will overcome in this journey to live a healthy life. First I have to take a long look at the habits that control my behavior, that's going to be fun....not, oh well I will attempt to do this for the next few weeks and I will start it off with a big one.

  1. Water........I need to drink more, I need to start drinking when I first get up.

  2. Exercising... Walking when I make this a habit, I love it. When I stop, I don't want to restart.

  3. One to break, spending to much time on the computer. ( that is going to be a hard one)

  4. Planning my menu! This is a must!!

  5. And last but most important for me is tracking my food.

All of the things I have listed above are not that hard for me to do for awhile, but when anything comes along to sidetrack me it is so difficult to start again. I want these habits to become second nature to me. This is my goal, and this is my hope for this year.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Friend Makin Monday!

Thanks for the opportunity to share a little about myself. I think the longer I live the more I realize that being honest with yourself keeps changing. When I was in my twenty's, I prided myself on being real. In my thirty's, I really felt lost. My forty's were the same, it seemed like the things I believed to be true kept changing. Now I know that I am not lost, sometimes confused, sometimes confounded, but not lost. I know that even at my age, (I'm not telling) I am still learning, I hope I never quit learning. Today at work a co-worker made fun of me for my love of gadgets, and my desire to connect in some way through my Internet friends. She actually said I was to old to be involved in such foolishness. It just made me smile, because I will never be ashamed for being made to feel like less than I am because I love to learn. I love my ipad, I can't wait to upgrade to an iphone. I love blogging and I don't think it is ever to late to make good habits.

This week Kenz with All the Weigh is hosting FMM. If you want to play along this week link up with Kenz and for all future weeks visit Amber at The Silver Lining to find out who's hosting FMM

I like myself most of the time
I don't like prejudice
I love my family with my whole heart
I dream of being young again and being smarter.
I wonder if I will ever make the right choices ( food and exercise) consistently.
I know I can do this.
I went to New York to meet friends, all by myself and had the time of my life.
I have always wanted to be smaller.
I think to much, to often and about things that really don't matter.
I plan to go on a road trip next year.
I regret wasting time
I do (I did and I always will love my hubby)
I drink water with all my meals, It is so hard for me to drink it all day long.
I wish I had worried less and trusted more.
I am very creative
I am not organized (but I long to be)
I need affection
I graduated high school when I was 25 because the school made an error on my transcript.My husband insisted that I go back and finish, turns out when I got my transcript I had 10 credits more than I needed to graduate. I flunked my entrance exam in college and entered on probation. I was on the presidents list from that time on. Yay me!!!
I hope my husband stays well.
I want more, I always want more.
I sometimes wish I could have adopted another child.
I always depend on my husband instead of doing things for myself.
I work for insurance, otherwise I would be shopping, or traveling or going to concerts and screaming like I was 12.
I cannot stand to be late
I avoid trouble.
I will never give up!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Give me a break!

Learning to live a healthy lifestyle, give me a break! Who do I think I am kidding here. Not me that's for sure. I have learned some things that have stuck with me, I do know that if I don't exercise, I will not lose, and I also know that even if I exercise and eat right, I am not gonna lose this weight fast. My fat is cement, I struggle to lose even a pound, and it has been that way for years. I can walk 5 miles eat only my allotted points and still only lose one pound. To say that is frustrating is putting it mildly. I read blogs and talk to friends all the time that consistently lose 2-3 or 4 founds a week, but for me that is not to be. I know, I know one pound is not all that bad, but it is when you have LHLWADD... I have been doing some research lately about ADD and the symptoms:
"zoning out” without realizing it
"extreme distractibility"
"struggling to complete a goal, no matter what the prize"
"tendency to overlook the seriousness of the situation"
When it comes to other areas of my life, this is in no way fits me. When it comes to my Living Healthy and Losing Weight "LHLW" I have four out of four symptoms. :(
I really need to understand this and I really need to deal with it. Like now!

I have been reading a blog from Sean in Oklahoma for about a year, today these words he wrote kicked me in the gut. It is what I have always known, but can't make this choice and stick to it. All I can say is please God, let me choose this, help me choose this. I want this so bad!

The difference between this being a struggle and being an enjoyable road all the way---is completely between our ears. It is a friendship with food, an understanding---it's just living---simplifying the process...and realizing that we can do this in a most enjoyable way that will leave us wondering what the trouble was all of those years. The trouble is always what WE make it. The limitations, the rules, the frustrations---we choose it's perspective. It's letting go of every excuse or rationalization that have always held us back. It's no longer being the "victim." It's choosing change before change chooses us. It's a very powerful idea. Empowering. It's deciding that this is too important to allow any emotion, circumstance, person, place, or thing steal it away from us. We deserve this freedom---it's ours if we choose to make it one of the most important things we've ever done. The importance level MUST be set that high, because if it isn't---it becomes too easy to just say..."oh well, we'll try again some other time." Make this the LAST TIME. Because if we don't---"someday" will come anyway---and changes will choose us---and if it's not on our terms, we're probably not going to like those changes. Choose the change you've always dreamed about. You're completely free to fly my friend!!!!!!!

I want to fly, I want to be happy when I fly, I want this to be as important to me as breathing, as being faithful to my husband, as being faithful to the God I serve.
Thank you Sean, for these words.... I will read them everyday until it becomes my truth, and I will make the choices I need to change my life forever.

Monday, August 9, 2010

My new toy!

I am loving it!

It was a hard decision whether to buy the iPhone4 or the ipad, I think I made the right choice. Lots of apps, and to-do lists, and things to keep me centered. I added my fitness pal, and a few recipe sites. The main thing I like about it is it is helping me keep more organized. I need that, not to mention the fact that I don't eat when I am playing and that's a good thing. Everyday on the top of my to-do list is to exercise, every day I avoid that one like the plague. I don't delete it or take it off, I just avoid it. My goal for now is not only eating healthy but facing the things I don't like to do, and finding a way to love them again. It is so hot here now I can't even think of doing anything outdoors. So wish me luck as I try to get back in the groove.

If you know of any apps that might help me in my Journey please post :)

Friday, August 6, 2010

I don't handle stress well, the good kind or the bad kind.

My Husband Earl at Lake Tahoe
(beauty in the midst of fear)
In June we found out my husbands brother had stage four lung cancer. We were at the same time preparing for my son's wedding. It was so hard to balance joy...fear... and faith at the same time. I don't handle stress well at all, so my healthy eating habits took leave of me. It was replaced with fast food, junk snacks and no exercise. It is not easy to live that lifestyle, not the healthy lifestyle, but the unhealthy lifestyle. I felt sick and tired most of the time. I am so ready to get back on track. I just need to start and I am quite certain as soon as I do something will be there to tempt me to take the not-so-easy-way-out.
This is my son, his bride and their two lovely daughters. I am now and instant Grandmother. I could not be happier about that. They are the so cute and so sweet. I already love them to pieces. So amidst the stress of learning of Earl's brother, making travel plans for him to visit him and planning a wedding in just a few weeks I have let it sidetrack me and that's not a good thing.

Don, is doing a little better, and hopefully he will start treatments soon. Please say a prayer for him. We hope to plan another trip to Lake Tahoe and visit him in the near future.
My son and his family are doing good, and the University will be back in full swing in a couple of weeks, so hopefully I will get a grip on things and learn to handle stress without taking what seems to be the easy way out. It is not easy, and I need to somehow come to realize this.

This blog is my attempt to keep it honest, and honestly I have failed much of this year. I am making changes and it starts today!

Monday, July 19, 2010

My Hero!!!


Happy 15th Birthday

Kylie,Did you know you are my hero?

Do you even know how amazing you are?

You are Smart, Funny, Caring,

and most of all Relentless.

Do you know what that word means?

It means you won't give up, shut up,

or give in, until you are heard.

I love that about you!

Sometimes it is not so easy for us, (your family).

Sometimes we just don't understand,

but in the end that spirit of determination

brings a smile to our face, and joy to our heart.

My wish for you is that you always know your are loved.

My prayer for you is that your life

will somehow become easier each year.

My hope for you is that you wake up happy every day,

and go to sleep with a big smile on your face.

I love you sweet Kylie, I always have and I always will.

You are my hero!!!!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Just because they say it, doesn't make it true!

Who are they anyway?
This is day 447, and you know what, I should have been living this journey as a healthy person already.........
One year ago today I wrote "I believe it is because I have found the secret. It is in the living, part, the day to day learning to do what is best for my health."
I did just that for months and then I began listening to them, they were always there to remind me that it is a lot easier to just go with the flow, to do what is easy, to rely on the things I have always done. It's Thanksgiving go ahead add a lot of butter to that dish. It's Christmas, you have to bake cookies and bread. They just continue to try to influence me, and I let them sometimes, even though I know the secret.
Who are they anyway.... They are the thoughts and habits and traditions that live in my mind. I am not blaming anyone else, I rarely get tempted by others, even when people try really hard to get me to eat something, but I am my worst enemy. I trick myself into forgetting the secret, I tell myself I am just tired, or it will be ok just this once. So for today I am looking back and acknowledging the secret, It is in the living part, the day to day learning to do what is best for my health. I am a slow learner, but I am learning.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Overcoming laziness!

Who wants to admit they are lazy? Not me, but the truth is I would rather sit and watch TV than get up and exercise any day. Most of the time I turn on a TV show just to distract myself from this thing that I dislike so much (exercise). The strange thing is when I am finished I have such an amazing feeling of accomplishment. You would think the memory of that feeling would inspire me to want run towards this, but not me. The good news is just a few minutes into my exercise, I am fine with it. I sometimes want to do more than I had planned, but getting started well that is the hard part.

I had a friend tell me she sure wishes she could get motivated to exercise, and I thought, me to. I never am, I just do it. Maybe someday I will jump up and be excited but I am not holding my breath.

This heat just takes it out of me. I carry water, and walk indoors when it is to bad, but there is absolutely nothing thrilling about walking around a building going up and down the stairs, nothing.....
except the prospect of walking out side when when it is 100°.

So will I be motivated to walk to the building next door and circle the hallways and go up and down the same stairs for the rest of the summer....No I don't think I will.... but I will just do it!

I am never excited when I brush my teeth, or wash my hair and dry it. I rarely jump up and down for joy when I get to cook dinner, and clean up afterwards, I just do it because I have to.

I need to convince my brain that I have to do this, until I am convinced I will just have to do it, until it is harder not to do it than it is to do it.

Friday, June 18, 2010

So there I stood with the help of my dad

So there I stood with the help of my dad
I don't remember that day,
I don't think I was even one yet,at least I hope so, since I was still bald :)
I never really gave much thought to him holding me up
he provided for us
he made us laugh
he spanked us
and in his own way he loved us!
Thinking about my dad today
makes me want a hug
Wish he was still here
I would give him one!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Keeping on!
Since this blog is for me, and since I have not kept my part of the bargain that I struck with myself to blog, or journal as often as I could, I feel more than annoyed with myself for not keeping on. This is one of the things that I struggle with the most.

Keeping on!

I am not going to analyze this to death, but I wish I knew why or better yet how to prevent this lack of discipline in myself. I have never been all that good at laying it out there, being honest with myself, let alone anyone that cares to read here.
I do know this:
I will not quit!
I may get sad
I may get mad
I might cry or shake my fist at the sky
But I will not quit.
So listen up girl, if for some reason I don't show up here for a day or two, or maybe even a month, I will still be here keeping on, the best I can.
I will not quit!! (Yeah, I am talking to me)

Three days in a row, I ate right, I exercised and I feel good about that.

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. Zig Ziglar

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

My Bucket List!

My Bucket list
First of all I need to take a look in my bucket
toss out the things that are not useful
sort through the things that are
What will I find?
Memories... both good and bad
some that makes me smile
some while bad, are still worthwhile.
Words... I've said and then regretted.
Words... I try to not forget!
Habits... Easy to come but hard to go
Frailties... yes I have a few
some are new...but most have
always been here.
Strengths... This is what I love about myself
and this is what I hate about myself.
I am strong...when I am knocked down
I am strong... when I need to be
I am strong ... when I keep my focus
I am weak... when I am hurt
I am weak...when I lose my focus
I am weak... when I feel alone
Loyalty... Always and Forever
Things that got stuck on me
Impatience...don't like this
Intimidating...don't like this
Bossy...don't like this
High achiever... I like this
Reliable...I like this
Creative...I like this
Forgiving...I like this
Sensitive... I like and dislike this one
So I have a lot to sort through in my bucket,
then I am going to fill it full of all the things that
complete me, that make me happy, that makes
me a better person. Whatever it takes!

The first thing I will add to my bucket today is
Living healthy...look for ways to do this

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Whah, whah, whah!

I have been sick....
I have been stressed out....
The weather has been awful....
And the worst possible thing is I got old!
So cry me a river you say. I have spent much of this day looking for inspiration and not really finding any. Most of the time I don't really need a pep talk but sometimes I need for someone besides myself to give me a kick in the backside and tell me to quit whining. Just do it!
I have to admit this getting old thing has been much harder than I thought it would be. I have endured endless teasing at work, and normally I can look ahead with anticipation, but now the finish line is easier to see, and I am still so far from my goal. I told you this was a whah-whah-whah post. I think if I actually write this all down I will see how ridiculous it is and then I can Just do it!
For most of my life I have managed to be content at whatever place I was in, and to be honest when things looked the worst for me, that is when I was at my best. It's not that easy now. I really want a do-over but I realize that's not possible. I wish I had made better choices, I wish this blog was not necessary but it is what it is. So even though I am now old, I must always remember I am losing it, and still learning to live a healthy life.

Monday, May 24, 2010

I forgive me!

It seems like forever since I really felt in control, but in reality it hasn't been that long since I was up at 5:30, (in the wee hours of the morning) doing my exercises, eating healthy and feeling great. Somewhere along the way I got sidetracked, not sure if it was splurging on extra points, grabbing my trigger foods and pretending that this would be the last candy bar I would eat. I'm not sure when I decided that just because my knee was hurting it would be ok to not exercise for awhile. This has been my life for as long as I can remember. How do you restart when you are so mad at yourself for doing the one thing you tell yourself you are not doing again. The only way I can think of is to just forgive yourself and start again. Did you notice I didn't say start over, well that's the good news, I don't have to start over, I have learned to much to have to do that. I am not one that likes to dwell on the past, being introspective is a good thing, but for me it is sometimes just to depressing. I would rather look ahead, plan to do better, and be glad that I can push re-start once again, forgive myself for being weak, get back on track and change the things I can. Being honest, that's the hard part, it's really not that hard to do the right thing, there is freedom in doing the right thing, living your best, taking care of yourself. Don't be fooled by the lies (you hear in your head) They are lies!!! You probably can't eat just one! You probably won't do your exercises when the weather clears up! The truth is I can do this, the truth is I will!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

It's me!

I didn't die! :)

Friday, April 9, 2010

My first 5K ever!

Cancer Challenge - 5K - 10K June 26th, 2010
This will be my first race to ever enter. I decided on this race because I have lost family and friends to cancer and I would like to see a cure in my lifetime.
This is a big leap of faith for me, and a huge challenge as well. I am training now and I hope I don't embarrass myself by coming in last. Whatever the outcome, I am going to give it my best effort.
I have been exercising in the early mornings and a good friend has been calling me and offering me support, I know some mornings I would have just blown it off if not for her. Is is hard to change a lifetime of neglecting to exercise and take care of my body? Yes!!!!! It is, but it is so worth it. I am hoping that one day I will jump out of bed and be raring to go, ( will that day ever come), I am not sure at this point if I will ever love it completly, but I am determined to keep it up until it becomes second nature.
Now about that healthy eating thing. I pretty much bottomed out on my trip to Alabama, it is so hard to get back on track, but this is the week I will do it!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

In my Life

Most of the time when I make a decision about my life it is just a spur of the moment decision, never very well thought out and usually the results can be seen in my spontaneous decision making. This is not true right now {in this moment}. I have been thinking about this for some time now. Why I do the things I do, why do I let myself get so sidetracked, why do I find it so hard to take better care of me. Most of the reasons lead me back to the fact that I am a very live-in-moment-person. Whatever happens to be going on in my life usually overrides my plans and the goals I have worked so hard to achieve. Something has to change, and that change has to come from me. I am always going to be an impulsive person, that is part of who I am. That is one of the things I like about myself, but it is also one of the things that so often brings me to defeat. So right now {in this moment} I am making some decisions that will hopefully help me when the day head offers me something I can't resist.
  • Start my day off (5:30 AM with exercise)
  • Plan my menu the day before (Be flexible, but be consistent)
  • Enjoy this moment (they are going fast)
Small changes, but they are HUGE changes.... In my life, I have to move, I can't put it off... This is the one thing I find to be the most difficult, and for me and it is the most important part of my quest to live a healthy life. Thanks to a good friend (for her early morning calls) I am on my way!!!!!!

Saturday, February 27, 2010

No more whine with my cheese please.

On the other hand I will have some pepper jelly with cream cheese on my new Bagel thins.

This healthy eating and losing weight is a tough life at times. I just don't want to be continually beat up by my lack of standing firm. I am my biggest foe in this fight, and I do believe it to be a fight. I am a list maker so I decided to make a list of the things I willing let defeat me and a list of the reasons I WILL NOT lose this battle. First off I want to say I take full responsibility for my lack of discipline in this area of my life. That being said these are the things that have been defeating me in my quest to be healthy and lose this weight.

  • The weather! I hate cold, I can't walk out side and it makes me sluggish. Hate the snow, hate it, except at first, and to be honest....I love snow days.
  • My lack of planning. When I get in a rut like this, I just don't want to plan, I don't want to make a grocery list, and I don't want to think about new recipes.
  • People that could not care less about your struggle. This one is one that I deal with most often. It seems like I am the odd duck, always watching, always trying to be aware of what I eat. Sometimes it is just plain hard to swim against the tide. I don't always want to say no to the pizza, that gets brought in the office, the cake, the candy that gets laid on my desk, by my friendly co-workers. Sometimes I just want to be like them, except for me, I gain weight and they seem to stay the same. (insert violin here)
  • My need to please! This is a big one for me, sometimes I want to just fix my man the things he likes instead of the healthy foods I expierement on. (and I am sure he tires of the disasters that happen along the way) The problem with that is he likes very very high fat foods, hot dogs, hamburgers and french fries.

These are the things I will do to (or try to do) to overcome these setbacks or obstacles.

  • There is nothing I can do about the weather, I am just gonna have to deal with that one. I need sun, I need warm days. So on this one I will have to bite the bullit and find a way to cope with mother nature.
  • I have decided to plan ahead for when I don't want to plan. Make menus for several weeks, and choose between the ones that fit that week best. ( why didn't I think of this before)
  • Temptation is always gonna be around me. I am not sure how to deal with this one. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I can be defeated so quickly when I am down in the dumps, nervous, happy, or just plain bored. When my resolve has already been broken other people can influence me so easily. I really need to find a way to set boundaries at work, and also find ways to not feel sorry for myself because I am the only one with these boundaries.
  • I have come to the conclusion that the best way to please my honey is to make sure he is around for awhile, the hot dogs have got to go, especially the ones that are huge!!

Thanks so much for the comments, I really appreciate it, and it gave me just the needed push to stop the pity party!!!

Friday, February 26, 2010

I want to cry!

Thats all for now!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

So I gained a few pounds, well more than a few.

I have been avoiding the scale as if it were the enemy, as if this piece of metal was going to expose me for the failure I have become. My clothes told me the truth, my pants were tight, my energy has been gone, but still I would look at that piece of metal and avoid it. One of my favorite sayings has always been " Fiddle-de-de I will think about this tomorrow". That hasn't worked for me in the past, and its not working for me now. You know its really hard, I'm not blaming anyone but it seems like when your resolve is shaken just a little, or when you start making bad choices everyone celebrates with you. Does that seem right, why don't my friends just grab the food out of my hands, why don't they yell at me and remind me that I worked to hard to give up now. I have to remind myself constantly that it is no one's responsibility but my own to make the right choices. No one has to tell me not to eat 2 boxes of chocolates in one sitting, I know that would make me sick. No one has to tell me that every day that I make these bad choices I am getting farther and farther from where I was a few months ago.

So..... I stepped on the scale, and since November, I have gained 8 pounds. I am really scared, but I don't know anything else to do but to just get back to the business of taking care of myself. Tomorrow, I am going to make the right choices, I am going to eat right, I am going to exercise, and I am going to get back to the good life.....yes it is the good life!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Slow road ahead

Wow January is almost over and I want a do-over, only I want better conditions this time. The weather has been terrible, my health has thrown me for a loop. I am grateful for antibiotics but I have had the hardest time kicking this cold to the curb. I have unfortunately had no energy, and therefore I have not managed my lifestyle changes very well. I just wish someone would come up beside me, grab me by the hand and help me out of this rut I have found myself in. I know that is not gonna happen so I will keep searching, keep trying, and press forward and even though the road ahead is SLOW Going.
So I have been told by my weather man that the weather is going to be very bad this week-end.... My goal this week... find a detour and change my course.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Sick Day!

Or should I say sick week! I have a miserable cold, Sinus infection or something horrible is going on in my body. The last thing I can do is plan my meals, I have tried to eat reasonably but I have had to rely on a little fast food and alot of oatmeal.

This is an area that has always been difficult for me. Some people just go to bed and get better, I have always been one of those "eat for comfort" and "eat for strength" type of people. That can be dangerous when there are leftover Christmas goodies. This is a point in my journey that I have not been able to get past. I have done better this time, but not good.

I have four days off to get rid of this plague, I must find a way to get past the munchies that follow me when I am sick. I'll let you know when I am well how I did. If you have any suggestions please send them my way.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Unstuffed Cabagge Rolls......So Yummy!

These were so good!
1 pound lean Ground Beef
1/2 Onion
4 cups Cabbage ( I use Cole Slaw Mix)
20 ounces Crushed Tomatoes
3 Tablespoons Brown sugar
2 Cups Cooked Rice
1 8 ounce can of Tomato Sauce
2 Tablespoons of Ketchup
Salt and Pepper
Brown the Beef, onion and cabbage in a large skillet. When it is almost finished browning add the Tomatoes and simmer until cooked thoroughly. Add 2 cups of Cooked Rice and simmer a little longer. I put them in 4 ramekins, top them with a mixture of Tomato sauce and Ketchup, sprinkle 1/2 tablespoon brown sugar on top and broil for a few minutes.
Lunch was a small salad and Unstuffed Cabbage Rolls. 7 points of Delishisness!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

It is freezing here

Its so cold outside I decided to decorate according to my mood, so I took down the Christmas decorations and put up the winter snow scene. I made some baked oatmeal and we had a warm and cozy night, while just outside my door ice is falling from the sky. I have made good choices tonight and being stuck in the house this last week I kept myself busy intead of eating for comfort. One good choice at a time.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I'm serious and I mean it!

I'm making some changes, some needed changes. I am gonna be honest for one thing, and that means I have to admit when I mess up, but I also have to pat myself on the back when I do something right. I have been reflecting on this last year all week. It has been 8 months since I started my quest to live a more healthy life. I lost 34 pounds, kept off 30 pounds. I have more to lose, and more to learn but I am on my way.
  • I am going to be more diligent to keep my food diary

  • I am going to be more consistent with my exercise.

  • I am going to monitor my success with my new gadget Heart Rate Monitor
  • This is a hard one, but I am going to drink more water.

  • I am going to really really try to lose 30 pounds by May 17.

  • I am going to save my money and buy a really good camera.

  • I am going to try to find a better balance in my personal, spiritual and physical life.

I will be happy if these things become mine, I will be pleased if I see positive change.

I am serious, and I mean it.....

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The key to weight loss

I learned a new word today, Mo-Mo

As far back as I can remember I called this the something that "clicks in your brain" my sisters and I would jokingly say "well it hasn't kicked in yet". I really never understood it until I read this blog. Waiting for this to take place is difficult when you don't even know what you are waiting for, but I have always known, and I have always waited until that certain something happened, and then I was on my way. Now I have a name for it, and I owe it all to the blogger that gave definition to this "thing that clicks in you brain". Just knowing the definition brings clarity to this life skill, and I do believe it is a life skill. Motivation meets momentum, and when these two hook up it happens. Finding motivation has never been hard for me, I just have to look in the mirror. Finding momentum is a different thing altogether. This quote stopped me cold: "The moment you fall in love with the sound of progress is the moment you stop hearing everything else." Richard Murphy Confessions of a Contractor Then Cammy summed it up this way: The energy from momentum often drowns out the internal chatter along with the external temptations, and provides the fuel I need to keep moving forward.
I found my motivation a while back, and motivation met momentum after a full day of simply listening and watching for the signs of progress. My Mo-Mo is now on the Go-Go! I am ready to get this healthy lifestyle back on track.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Snow day!!!!

I love snow days. Time off with pay! No vegging out for me though, I am going to treat this just like a work day. I have had 11 days off, and I have been so lazy. Now on this freebie I will use it for my good. Clean the house, put the rest of the decorations away, exercise, and plan my meals for the week. Yay!!! 2010 so far I am liking it.!!!!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Holey Moley! 2009 was fine, but 2010 we will win!

Take one last look at yourself Betty, this year I will say good-bye to bad habits, make lasting changes and lose this weight once and for all. I have to say I have not handled the holiday season well, if I am to cook like I always have for the holidays then I must learn to lighten up the recipes. At any rate I know this, unhealthy eating does not feel good. No exercise, does not feel good. I am at my best when I take care of myself, so 2010 I may have messed up for the last two months, but I did well the rest of the year. Here is to change, I can do this and I will.