Just because they say it, doesn't make it true!

Who are they anyway?
This is day 447, and you know what, I should have been living this journey as a healthy person already.........
One year ago today I wrote "I believe it is because I have found the secret. It is in the living, part, the day to day learning to do what is best for my health."
I did just that for months and then I began listening to them, they were always there to remind me that it is a lot easier to just go with the flow, to do what is easy, to rely on the things I have always done. It's Thanksgiving go ahead add a lot of butter to that dish. It's Christmas, you have to bake cookies and bread. They just continue to try to influence me, and I let them sometimes, even though I know the secret.
Who are they anyway.... They are the thoughts and habits and traditions that live in my mind. I am not blaming anyone else, I rarely get tempted by others, even when people try really hard to get me to eat something, but I am my worst enemy. I trick myself into forgetting the secret, I tell myself I am just tired, or it will be ok just this once. So for today I am looking back and acknowledging the secret, It is in the living part, the day to day learning to do what is best for my health. I am a slow learner, but I am learning.

Overcoming laziness!

Who wants to admit they are lazy? Not me, but the truth is I would rather sit and watch TV than get up and exercise any day. Most of the time I turn on a TV show just to distract myself from this thing that I dislike so much (exercise). The strange thing is when I am finished I have such an amazing feeling of accomplishment. You would think the memory of that feeling would inspire me to want run towards this, but not me. The good news is just a few minutes into my exercise, I am fine with it. I sometimes want to do more than I had planned, but getting started well that is the hard part.

I had a friend tell me she sure wishes she could get motivated to exercise, and I thought, me to. I never am, I just do it. Maybe someday I will jump up and be excited but I am not holding my breath.

This heat just takes it out of me. I carry water, and walk indoors when it is to bad, but there is absolutely nothing thrilling about walking around a building going up and down the stairs, nothing.....
except the prospect of walking out side when when it is 100°.

So will I be motivated to walk to the building next door and circle the hallways and go up and down the same stairs for the rest of the summer....No I don't think I will.... but I will just do it!

I am never excited when I brush my teeth, or wash my hair and dry it. I rarely jump up and down for joy when I get to cook dinner, and clean up afterwards, I just do it because I have to.

I need to convince my brain that I have to do this, until I am convinced I will just have to do it, until it is harder not to do it than it is to do it.

So there I stood with the help of my dad

So there I stood with the help of my dad

I don't remember that day,

I don't think I was even one yet,at least I hope so, since I was still bald :)

I never really gave much thought to him holding me up

he provided for us

he made us laugh

he spanked us

and in his own way he loved us!

Thinking about my dad today

makes me want a hug

Wish he was still here

I would give him one!

Keeping on!
Since this blog is for me, and since I have not kept my part of the bargain that I struck with myself to blog, or journal as often as I could, I feel more than annoyed with myself for not keeping on. This is one of the things that I struggle with the most.

Keeping on!

I am not going to analyze this to death, but I wish I knew why or better yet how to prevent this lack of discipline in myself. I have never been all that good at laying it out there, being honest with myself, let alone anyone that cares to read here.
I do know this:
I will not quit!
I may get sad
I may get mad
I might cry or shake my fist at the sky
But I will not quit.
So listen up girl, if for some reason I don't show up here for a day or two, or maybe even a month, I will still be here keeping on, the best I can.
I will not quit!! (Yeah, I am talking to me)

Three days in a row, I ate right, I exercised and I feel good about that.



“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. Zig Ziglar

My Bucket List!

My Bucket list
First of all I need to take a look in my bucket
toss out the things that are not useful
sort through the things that are
What will I find?
Memories... both good and bad
some that makes me smile
some while bad, are still worthwhile.
Words... I've said and then regretted.
Words... I try to not forget!
Habits... Easy to come but hard to go
Frailties... yes I have a few
some are new...but most have
always been here.
Strengths... This is what I love about myself
and this is what I hate about myself.
I am strong...when I am knocked down
I am strong... when I need to be
I am strong ... when I keep my focus
But....
I am weak... when I am hurt
I am weak...when I lose my focus
I am weak... when I feel alone
Loyalty... Always and Forever
Things that got stuck on me
Impatience...don't like this
Intimidating...don't like this
Bossy...don't like this
High achiever... I like this
Reliable...I like this
Creative...I like this
Forgiving...I like this
Sensitive... I like and dislike this one
So I have a lot to sort through in my bucket,
then I am going to fill it full of all the things that
complete me, that make me happy, that makes
me a better person. Whatever it takes!

The first thing I will add to my bucket today is
Living healthy...look for ways to do this

Whah, whah, whah!

I have been sick....

I have been stressed out....

The weather has been awful....

And the worst possible thing is I got old!

So cry me a river you say. I have spent much of this day looking for inspiration and not really finding any. Most of the time I don't really need a pep talk but sometimes I need for someone besides myself to give me a kick in the backside and tell me to quit whining. Just do it!

I have to admit this getting old thing has been much harder than I thought it would be. I have endured endless teasing at work, and normally I can look ahead with anticipation, but now the finish line is easier to see, and I am still so far from my goal. I told you this was a whah-whah-whah post. I think if I actually write this all down I will see how ridiculous it is and then I can Just do it!

For most of my life I have managed to be content at whatever place I was in, and to be honest when things looked the worst for me, that is when I was at my best. It's not that easy now. I really want a do-over but I realize that's not possible. I wish I had made better choices, I wish this blog was not necessary but it is what it is. So even though I am now old, I must always remember I am losing it, and still learning to live a healthy life.

I forgive me!

It seems like forever since I really felt in control, but in reality it hasn't been that long since I was up at 5:30, (in the wee hours of the morning) doing my exercises, eating healthy and feeling great. Somewhere along the way I got sidetracked, not sure if it was splurging on extra points, grabbing my trigger foods and pretending that this would be the last candy bar I would eat. I'm not sure when I decided that just because my knee was hurting it would be ok to not exercise for awhile. This has been my life for as long as I can remember. How do you restart when you are so mad at yourself for doing the one thing you tell yourself you are not doing again. The only way I can think of is to just forgive yourself and start again. Did you notice I didn't say start over, well that's the good news, I don't have to start over, I have learned to much to have to do that. I am not one that likes to dwell on the past, being introspective is a good thing, but for me it is sometimes just to depressing. I would rather look ahead, plan to do better, and be glad that I can push re-start once again, forgive myself for being weak, get back on track and change the things I can. Being honest, that's the hard part, it's really not that hard to do the right thing, there is freedom in doing the right thing, living your best, taking care of yourself. Don't be fooled by the lies (you hear in your head) They are lies!!! You probably can't eat just one! You probably won't do your exercises when the weather clears up! The truth is I can do this, the truth is I will!