I don't handle stress well, the good kind or the bad kind.

My Husband Earl at Lake Tahoe

(beauty in the midst of fear)

In June we found out my husbands brother had stage four lung cancer. We were at the same time preparing for my son's wedding. It was so hard to balance joy...fear... and faith at the same time. I don't handle stress well at all, so my healthy eating habits took leave of me. It was replaced with fast food, junk snacks and no exercise. It is not easy to live that lifestyle, not the healthy lifestyle, but the unhealthy lifestyle. I felt sick and tired most of the time. I am so ready to get back on track. I just need to start and I am quite certain as soon as I do something will be there to tempt me to take the not-so-easy-way-out.

This is my son, his bride and their two lovely daughters. I am now and instant Grandmother. I could not be happier about that. They are the so cute and so sweet. I already love them to pieces. So amidst the stress of learning of Earl's brother, making travel plans for him to visit him and planning a wedding in just a few weeks I have let it sidetrack me and that's not a good thing.

Don, is doing a little better, and hopefully he will start treatments soon. Please say a prayer for him. We hope to plan another trip to Lake Tahoe and visit him in the near future.
My son and his family are doing good, and the University will be back in full swing in a couple of weeks, so hopefully I will get a grip on things and learn to handle stress without taking what seems to be the easy way out. It is not easy, and I need to somehow come to realize this.

This blog is my attempt to keep it honest, and honestly I have failed much of this year. I am making changes and it starts today!

My Hero!!!

Kylie

Happy 15th Birthday

Kylie,Did you know you are my hero?

Do you even know how amazing you are?

You are Smart, Funny, Caring,

and most of all Relentless.

Do you know what that word means?

It means you won't give up, shut up,

or give in, until you are heard.

I love that about you!

Sometimes it is not so easy for us, (your family).

Sometimes we just don't understand,

but in the end that spirit of determination

brings a smile to our face, and joy to our heart.

My wish for you is that you always know your are loved.

My prayer for you is that your life

will somehow become easier each year.

My hope for you is that you wake up happy every day,

and go to sleep with a big smile on your face.

I love you sweet Kylie, I always have and I always will.

You are my hero!!!!

Just because they say it, doesn't make it true!

Who are they anyway?
This is day 447, and you know what, I should have been living this journey as a healthy person already.........
One year ago today I wrote "I believe it is because I have found the secret. It is in the living, part, the day to day learning to do what is best for my health."
I did just that for months and then I began listening to them, they were always there to remind me that it is a lot easier to just go with the flow, to do what is easy, to rely on the things I have always done. It's Thanksgiving go ahead add a lot of butter to that dish. It's Christmas, you have to bake cookies and bread. They just continue to try to influence me, and I let them sometimes, even though I know the secret.
Who are they anyway.... They are the thoughts and habits and traditions that live in my mind. I am not blaming anyone else, I rarely get tempted by others, even when people try really hard to get me to eat something, but I am my worst enemy. I trick myself into forgetting the secret, I tell myself I am just tired, or it will be ok just this once. So for today I am looking back and acknowledging the secret, It is in the living part, the day to day learning to do what is best for my health. I am a slow learner, but I am learning.

Overcoming laziness!

Who wants to admit they are lazy? Not me, but the truth is I would rather sit and watch TV than get up and exercise any day. Most of the time I turn on a TV show just to distract myself from this thing that I dislike so much (exercise). The strange thing is when I am finished I have such an amazing feeling of accomplishment. You would think the memory of that feeling would inspire me to want run towards this, but not me. The good news is just a few minutes into my exercise, I am fine with it. I sometimes want to do more than I had planned, but getting started well that is the hard part.

I had a friend tell me she sure wishes she could get motivated to exercise, and I thought, me to. I never am, I just do it. Maybe someday I will jump up and be excited but I am not holding my breath.

This heat just takes it out of me. I carry water, and walk indoors when it is to bad, but there is absolutely nothing thrilling about walking around a building going up and down the stairs, nothing.....
except the prospect of walking out side when when it is 100°.

So will I be motivated to walk to the building next door and circle the hallways and go up and down the same stairs for the rest of the summer....No I don't think I will.... but I will just do it!

I am never excited when I brush my teeth, or wash my hair and dry it. I rarely jump up and down for joy when I get to cook dinner, and clean up afterwards, I just do it because I have to.

I need to convince my brain that I have to do this, until I am convinced I will just have to do it, until it is harder not to do it than it is to do it.

So there I stood with the help of my dad

So there I stood with the help of my dad

I don't remember that day,

I don't think I was even one yet,at least I hope so, since I was still bald :)

I never really gave much thought to him holding me up

he provided for us

he made us laugh

he spanked us

and in his own way he loved us!

Thinking about my dad today

makes me want a hug

Wish he was still here

I would give him one!

Keeping on!
Since this blog is for me, and since I have not kept my part of the bargain that I struck with myself to blog, or journal as often as I could, I feel more than annoyed with myself for not keeping on. This is one of the things that I struggle with the most.

Keeping on!

I am not going to analyze this to death, but I wish I knew why or better yet how to prevent this lack of discipline in myself. I have never been all that good at laying it out there, being honest with myself, let alone anyone that cares to read here.
I do know this:
I will not quit!
I may get sad
I may get mad
I might cry or shake my fist at the sky
But I will not quit.
So listen up girl, if for some reason I don't show up here for a day or two, or maybe even a month, I will still be here keeping on, the best I can.
I will not quit!! (Yeah, I am talking to me)

Three days in a row, I ate right, I exercised and I feel good about that.



“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. Zig Ziglar

My Bucket List!

My Bucket list
First of all I need to take a look in my bucket
toss out the things that are not useful
sort through the things that are
What will I find?
Memories... both good and bad
some that makes me smile
some while bad, are still worthwhile.
Words... I've said and then regretted.
Words... I try to not forget!
Habits... Easy to come but hard to go
Frailties... yes I have a few
some are new...but most have
always been here.
Strengths... This is what I love about myself
and this is what I hate about myself.
I am strong...when I am knocked down
I am strong... when I need to be
I am strong ... when I keep my focus
But....
I am weak... when I am hurt
I am weak...when I lose my focus
I am weak... when I feel alone
Loyalty... Always and Forever
Things that got stuck on me
Impatience...don't like this
Intimidating...don't like this
Bossy...don't like this
High achiever... I like this
Reliable...I like this
Creative...I like this
Forgiving...I like this
Sensitive... I like and dislike this one
So I have a lot to sort through in my bucket,
then I am going to fill it full of all the things that
complete me, that make me happy, that makes
me a better person. Whatever it takes!

The first thing I will add to my bucket today is
Living healthy...look for ways to do this