Wow!

First I don't want to sound like a broken record, but I can never say thank you enough for my health. I have always been able to plow through anything in a short amount of time but this one was different. So happy to feel good again, in fact I am now walking 3.5 on my 3 breaks at work, and I have never felt better.

I love my new iphone and the best app ever is I map my walk. So here goes, I will try to post my walking each time on my blog.

Not a bad place to walk, and it's free. I love, love, love  to walk!

It feels so good...to feel good.

I was almost to the point of thinking this day would never come. I have been a relatively well person for almost 10 days. My energy is coming back, and unfortunately my appetite has returned as well. The last month or so, I felt so bad that I would eat only things that appealed to me, which of course were all unhealthy. Sick as I was it did not affect me and I still lost weight. Now I am struggling to get back to my healthy lifestyle, and I am craving those foods I didn't indulge in before (at least not every day) :) Oh well if I can do it once, I can do it again.

• First things first, I need to plan my menu, then journal it.

• Second I need to Walk, Walk, Walk!

• Third I need to be kind to my body.

• And fourth I need to just do it!

Loving points plus, loving fruit, now the veggies that's another story, for another day!

It's been a long time coming!

I am back. I have no idea what all happened in my life the past 6 months, I just know I was sicker than I have ever been. I have been to more doctors in the past 6 months than I have been to in my entire life. Most of the time they spent eliminating things that wasn't wrong with me :( of course that does nothing for the problem at hand, except in my case it made it worse. Finally after an MRI, 3 x-rays numerous blood tests, it was diagnosed as Pneumonia. The antibiotics were terrible and left very bad side affects but I finally began to stop coughing so much.
 My eating habits have been so bad during this time, but in spite of this I lost 15 pounds, but I now have my  appetite back along with the bad habits. So it is time to get serious.

I am going to try to start exercising and eating right today.

She Lives!

This has been a rough 5 months but I think I may be on my way back. I can breathe, I am not coughing constantly, and my headaches are manageable.

Still hanging in there on the Weight loss and healthy eating part of my life. I lost all the weight the steroids put on me and I am trying to get serious about the points plus program.

Day one: I feel better, I will attempt to eat better, and when I get a little more strength I will exercise.
Yay....Bring on day two!

Yes, I am still sick.

I almost didn't post because it is just to depressing. Oh well, the thing is I can usually find a way to make things better, and I am trying but it seems the doctors can't find out what is wrong with me. I am not giving up, but I am through being a research tool as well. Just trying to enjoy the good days now, and hoping for many more. :) Also hoping for normal again.

sick :(

Winning Battles

Lately I have won more battles than I have lost,
but I have lost to many to count. Small victories
really add up, and while I do believe that I can eat
anything I want (within reason), I really want to make
the healthy choice. Sometimes it is a battle (in my own mind)
and sometimes it is just easy. That is what I want more than
anything along this journey. I just want to " want to do this."


Today I was in the snack shack at work, and I really thought about
getting this candy bar. It is only one point per square. It has 5 squares
and it is a dark chocolaty goodness. I picked it up and carried it around
to make sure this is what I wanted,

and then I saw this!

And I wanted it... Yay!!!!

So today this is how it went:

Dark Chocolate Candy.... $1.07

Banana... $ .55

Winning the battle... Priceless

eta: I do realize that chocolate is not unhealthy

Making Choices

Just one minute at a time lately, or so it seems. I can be absolutely on track and doing fine and the next minute I am off center. Not off track, not going forward or backward, but off just a little. It is enough though, to make you crazy.

I have this sever sinus infection and I got a shot of steroids, (give me more) not really! On one hand I feel tons better, I have more energy than I have had in weeks, and I know it is short term, but.... I can be breezing along feeling perfectly full and the next thing I know I am hunting for food....(not good for you food). Fortunately the antibiotics make me a little nauseous or I would be in real trouble.

I wish there was a way to feel this way without the steroids and there dangerous side affects....Oh wait there is, exercise! When I am well and I can beat my body into submission I feel this same way after I exercise, so why the heck do I avoid it so much? I am going to have to give this some major think time, maybe I just had a light bulb moment. I hope I can keep the light on long enough to make that thought a part of me.

Into every life a little rain must fall...enough with the rain!

It is not raining here, not real rain anyway, but it is pouring lately and frankly I can hardly keep my head above the water. I have managed to make good choices most of the time but I have also made some really bad ones.

It seems like every time I push reset, bad things happen. Just as I was starting to gain control my mom fell and broke her hip. I had to travel to her hometown and stay in the hospital with her for 3 days and nights. I only left for some, dare I say "Jack in the Box!" I haven't had a Jack in the box taco since I left California, over 3o years ago. Wow, my memory served me well it was just the same taste, I loved every bite, but I only had one. One fried taco, who knows the calories but it was such a memory pleaser. Then back at the hospital I had pastries from Starbucks to mornings in a row. Back home... and I came down with a severe sinus infection ugh! So I am struggling to get back to my normal.

Blues, Bikes and Barb-Q.....Oh my, I forgot I have a family of bikers staying with me this weekend, What a life.

Roll with the punches.

Today was Grandparents day at my granddaughters school. I am a new grandparent so I was really looking forward to this day, lunch not so much. Walking down the hall I knew I was in trouble, my stomach started to turn. I'm not sure what I was smelling but it didn't smell like food. When we entered the cafeteria my granddaughter was looking around for us, when she spotted us she had the biggest grin on her face, kinda like the one in the photo. We got our tray and my sweet husband just took whatever they served him, however I told the lunch lady I could not resist the big hot rolls so I had better forgo the lunch. I must add the the roll was delicious but the rest of the meal... lets just say it did not look like people food. I didn't know that Kaylei was bringing her lunch or I could have packed one for myself, I will do that the next time. It was a good day, I figured the roll was probably 4 points and I was full so it all worked out. I am doing better for now, I just take it one day at a time, make the best choice I can. It's working :)

"It is Well"

It's one thing to say "it is well" when you are standing on your feet, it's quite another to say "it is well" when you are struggling. Having been knocked off my feet for a while now, I can only boast of not doing well. It seems that unless I have a steady stream of normal I don't do well with my healthy lifestyle. A bump in the road, can throw me to the curb quick. I really am trying to change this about me, even though I know this will probably be the biggest hurdle ever in my attempt to change bad habits. Some call it emotional eating, but for me its not really that, its anything that sidetracks me or causes me discomfort.

I hate that when someone says something negative to me, that I let it affect me so easily. In the past that one thing would send me to the snack drawer, not so much now, but it does a little more damage than I would like. I want so much to be able to say, well those are your thoughts, sorry you feel that way, and still feel like "it is well".

I am working on it, and I am gaining ground.

Yesterday I went to a scheduled luncheon, took the cheese off my Pannini passed on the chips, skipped dessert and walked out with an "it is well" attitude. I didn't feel an ounce of self pity that I could not have those things because I really did not want them. That is progress, and I am for the first time in a while feeling good about my lifestyle changes.

So when the next not normal thing knocks me to the ground, I am hoping I can look up from where I landed and say "it is well" and mean it.

Changing Habits!

This week I am focusing on changing habits. I have noticed one fact since I began blogging, much of my bad food control issues are just bad habits. I say " just" as if that were just another word that is placed in front of another. It is not, I know that it is probably going to be the hardest thing I will overcome in this journey to live a healthy life. First I have to take a long look at the habits that control my behavior, that's going to be fun....not, oh well I will attempt to do this for the next few weeks and I will start it off with a big one.

1. Water........I need to drink more, I need to start drinking when I first get up.


2. Exercising... Walking when I make this a habit, I love it. When I stop, I don't want to restart.
   


3. One to break, spending to much time on the computer. ( that is going to be a hard one)


4. Planning my menu! This is a must!!


5. And last but most important for me is tracking my food.

All of the things I have listed above are not that hard for me to do for awhile, but when anything comes along to sidetrack me it is so difficult to start again. I want these habits to become second nature to me. This is my goal, and this is my hope for this year.

Friend Makin Monday!

Thanks for the opportunity to share a little about myself. I think the longer I live the more I realize that being honest with yourself keeps changing. When I was in my twenty's, I prided myself on being real. In my thirty's, I really felt lost. My forty's were the same, it seemed like the things I believed to be true kept changing. Now I know that I am not lost, sometimes confused, sometimes confounded, but not lost. I know that even at my age, (I'm not telling) I am still learning, I hope I never quit learning. Today at work a co-worker made fun of me for my love of gadgets, and my desire to connect in some way through my Internet friends. She actually said I was to old to be involved in such foolishness. It just made me smile, because I will never be ashamed for being made to feel like less than I am because I love to learn. I love my ipad, I can't wait to upgrade to an iphone. I love blogging and I don't think it is ever to late to make good habits.

This week Kenz with All the Weigh is hosting FMM. If you want to play along this week link up with Kenz and for all future weeks visit Amber at The Silver Lining to find out who's hosting FMM


I like myself most of the time
I don't like prejudice
I love my family with my whole heart
I dream of being young again and being smarter.
I wonder if I will ever make the right choices ( food and exercise) consistently.
I know I can do this.
I went to New York to meet friends, all by myself and had the time of my life.
I have always wanted to be smaller.
I think to much, to often and about things that really don't matter.
I plan to go on a road trip next year.
I regret wasting time
I do (I did and I always will love my hubby)
I drink water with all my meals, It is so hard for me to drink it all day long.
I wish I had worried less and trusted more.
I am very creative
I am not organized (but I long to be)
I need affection
I graduated high school when I was 25 because the school made an error on my transcript.My husband insisted that I go back and finish, turns out when I got my transcript I had 10 credits more than I needed to graduate. I flunked my entrance exam in college and entered on probation. I was on the presidents list from that time on. Yay me!!!
I hope my husband stays well.
I want more, I always want more.
I sometimes wish I could have adopted another child.
I always depend on my husband instead of doing things for myself.
I work for insurance, otherwise I would be shopping, or traveling or going to concerts and screaming like I was 12.
I cannot stand to be late
I avoid trouble.
I will never give up!

Give me a break!

Learning to live a healthy lifestyle, give me a break! Who do I think I am kidding here. Not me that's for sure. I have learned some things that have stuck with me, I do know that if I don't exercise, I will not lose, and I also know that even if I exercise and eat right, I am not gonna lose this weight fast. My fat is cement, I struggle to lose even a pound, and it has been that way for years. I can walk 5 miles eat only my allotted points and still only lose one pound. To say that is frustrating is putting it mildly. I read blogs and talk to friends all the time that consistently lose 2-3 or 4 founds a week, but for me that is not to be. I know, I know one pound is not all that bad, but it is when you have LHLWADD... I have been doing some research lately about ADD and the symptoms:
"zoning out” without realizing it
"extreme distractibility"
"struggling to complete a goal, no matter what the prize"
"tendency to overlook the seriousness of the situation"
When it comes to other areas of my life, this is in no way fits me. When it comes to my Living Healthy and Losing Weight "LHLW" I have four out of four symptoms. :(
I really need to understand this and I really need to deal with it. Like now!

I have been reading a blog from Sean in Oklahoma for about a year, today these words he wrote kicked me in the gut. It is what I have always known, but can't make this choice and stick to it. All I can say is please God, let me choose this, help me choose this. I want this so bad!

The difference between this being a struggle and being an enjoyable road all the way---is completely between our ears. It is a friendship with food, an understanding---it's just living---simplifying the process...and realizing that we can do this in a most enjoyable way that will leave us wondering what the trouble was all of those years. The trouble is always what WE make it. The limitations, the rules, the frustrations---we choose it all...it's perspective. It's letting go of every excuse or rationalization that have always held us back. It's no longer being the "victim." It's choosing change before change chooses us. It's a very powerful idea. Empowering. It's deciding that this is too important to allow any emotion, circumstance, person, place, or thing steal it away from us. We deserve this freedom---it's ours if we choose to make it one of the most important things we've ever done. The importance level MUST be set that high, because if it isn't---it becomes too easy to just say..."oh well, we'll try again some other time." Make this the LAST TIME. Because if we don't---"someday" will come anyway---and changes will choose us---and if it's not on our terms, we're probably not going to like those changes. Choose the change you've always dreamed about. You're completely free to fly my friend!!!!!!!

I want to fly, I want to be happy when I fly, I want this to be as important to me as breathing, as being faithful to my husband, as being faithful to the God I serve.
Thank you Sean, for these words.... I will read them everyday until it becomes my truth, and I will make the choices I need to change my life forever.

Posting from my iPad .....This could be my undoing

My new toy!

I am loving it!

It was a hard decision whether to buy the iPhone4 or the ipad, I think I made the right choice. Lots of apps, and to-do lists, and things to keep me centered. I added my fitness pal, and a few recipe sites. The main thing I like about it is it is helping me keep more organized. I need that, not to mention the fact that I don't eat when I am playing and that's a good thing. Everyday on the top of my to-do list is to exercise, every day I avoid that one like the plague. I don't delete it or take it off, I just avoid it. My goal for now is not only eating healthy but facing the things I don't like to do, and finding a way to love them again. It is so hot here now I can't even think of doing anything outdoors. So wish me luck as I try to get back in the groove.

If you know of any apps that might help me in my Journey please post :)

I don't handle stress well, the good kind or the bad kind.

My Husband Earl at Lake Tahoe

(beauty in the midst of fear)

In June we found out my husbands brother had stage four lung cancer. We were at the same time preparing for my son's wedding. It was so hard to balance joy...fear... and faith at the same time. I don't handle stress well at all, so my healthy eating habits took leave of me. It was replaced with fast food, junk snacks and no exercise. It is not easy to live that lifestyle, not the healthy lifestyle, but the unhealthy lifestyle. I felt sick and tired most of the time. I am so ready to get back on track. I just need to start and I am quite certain as soon as I do something will be there to tempt me to take the not-so-easy-way-out.

This is my son, his bride and their two lovely daughters. I am now and instant Grandmother. I could not be happier about that. They are the so cute and so sweet. I already love them to pieces. So amidst the stress of learning of Earl's brother, making travel plans for him to visit him and planning a wedding in just a few weeks I have let it sidetrack me and that's not a good thing.

Don, is doing a little better, and hopefully he will start treatments soon. Please say a prayer for him. We hope to plan another trip to Lake Tahoe and visit him in the near future.
My son and his family are doing good, and the University will be back in full swing in a couple of weeks, so hopefully I will get a grip on things and learn to handle stress without taking what seems to be the easy way out. It is not easy, and I need to somehow come to realize this.

This blog is my attempt to keep it honest, and honestly I have failed much of this year. I am making changes and it starts today!

My Hero!!!

Kylie

Happy 15th Birthday

Kylie,Did you know you are my hero?

Do you even know how amazing you are?

You are Smart, Funny, Caring,

and most of all Relentless.

Do you know what that word means?

It means you won't give up, shut up,

or give in, until you are heard.

I love that about you!

Sometimes it is not so easy for us, (your family).

Sometimes we just don't understand,

but in the end that spirit of determination

brings a smile to our face, and joy to our heart.

My wish for you is that you always know your are loved.

My prayer for you is that your life

will somehow become easier each year.

My hope for you is that you wake up happy every day,

and go to sleep with a big smile on your face.

I love you sweet Kylie, I always have and I always will.

You are my hero!!!!

Just because they say it, doesn't make it true!

Who are they anyway?
This is day 447, and you know what, I should have been living this journey as a healthy person already.........
One year ago today I wrote "I believe it is because I have found the secret. It is in the living, part, the day to day learning to do what is best for my health."
I did just that for months and then I began listening to them, they were always there to remind me that it is a lot easier to just go with the flow, to do what is easy, to rely on the things I have always done. It's Thanksgiving go ahead add a lot of butter to that dish. It's Christmas, you have to bake cookies and bread. They just continue to try to influence me, and I let them sometimes, even though I know the secret.
Who are they anyway.... They are the thoughts and habits and traditions that live in my mind. I am not blaming anyone else, I rarely get tempted by others, even when people try really hard to get me to eat something, but I am my worst enemy. I trick myself into forgetting the secret, I tell myself I am just tired, or it will be ok just this once. So for today I am looking back and acknowledging the secret, It is in the living part, the day to day learning to do what is best for my health. I am a slow learner, but I am learning.

Overcoming laziness!

Who wants to admit they are lazy? Not me, but the truth is I would rather sit and watch TV than get up and exercise any day. Most of the time I turn on a TV show just to distract myself from this thing that I dislike so much (exercise). The strange thing is when I am finished I have such an amazing feeling of accomplishment. You would think the memory of that feeling would inspire me to want run towards this, but not me. The good news is just a few minutes into my exercise, I am fine with it. I sometimes want to do more than I had planned, but getting started well that is the hard part.

I had a friend tell me she sure wishes she could get motivated to exercise, and I thought, me to. I never am, I just do it. Maybe someday I will jump up and be excited but I am not holding my breath.

This heat just takes it out of me. I carry water, and walk indoors when it is to bad, but there is absolutely nothing thrilling about walking around a building going up and down the stairs, nothing.....
except the prospect of walking out side when when it is 100°.

So will I be motivated to walk to the building next door and circle the hallways and go up and down the same stairs for the rest of the summer....No I don't think I will.... but I will just do it!

I am never excited when I brush my teeth, or wash my hair and dry it. I rarely jump up and down for joy when I get to cook dinner, and clean up afterwards, I just do it because I have to.

I need to convince my brain that I have to do this, until I am convinced I will just have to do it, until it is harder not to do it than it is to do it.