Making Choices

Just one minute at a time lately, or so it seems. I can be absolutely on track and doing fine and the next minute I am off center. Not off track, not going forward or backward, but off just a little. It is enough though, to make you crazy.

I have this sever sinus infection and I got a shot of steroids, (give me more) not really! On one hand I feel tons better, I have more energy than I have had in weeks, and I know it is short term, but.... I can be breezing along feeling perfectly full and the next thing I know I am hunting for food....(not good for you food). Fortunately the antibiotics make me a little nauseous or I would be in real trouble.

I wish there was a way to feel this way without the steroids and there dangerous side affects....Oh wait there is, exercise! When I am well and I can beat my body into submission I feel this same way after I exercise, so why the heck do I avoid it so much? I am going to have to give this some major think time, maybe I just had a light bulb moment. I hope I can keep the light on long enough to make that thought a part of me.

Into every life a little rain must fall...enough with the rain!

It is not raining here, not real rain anyway, but it is pouring lately and frankly I can hardly keep my head above the water. I have managed to make good choices most of the time but I have also made some really bad ones.

It seems like every time I push reset, bad things happen. Just as I was starting to gain control my mom fell and broke her hip. I had to travel to her hometown and stay in the hospital with her for 3 days and nights. I only left for some, dare I say "Jack in the Box!" I haven't had a Jack in the box taco since I left California, over 3o years ago. Wow, my memory served me well it was just the same taste, I loved every bite, but I only had one. One fried taco, who knows the calories but it was such a memory pleaser. Then back at the hospital I had pastries from Starbucks to mornings in a row. Back home... and I came down with a severe sinus infection ugh! So I am struggling to get back to my normal.

Blues, Bikes and Barb-Q.....Oh my, I forgot I have a family of bikers staying with me this weekend, What a life.

Roll with the punches.

Today was Grandparents day at my granddaughters school. I am a new grandparent so I was really looking forward to this day, lunch not so much. Walking down the hall I knew I was in trouble, my stomach started to turn. I'm not sure what I was smelling but it didn't smell like food. When we entered the cafeteria my granddaughter was looking around for us, when she spotted us she had the biggest grin on her face, kinda like the one in the photo. We got our tray and my sweet husband just took whatever they served him, however I told the lunch lady I could not resist the big hot rolls so I had better forgo the lunch. I must add the the roll was delicious but the rest of the meal... lets just say it did not look like people food. I didn't know that Kaylei was bringing her lunch or I could have packed one for myself, I will do that the next time. It was a good day, I figured the roll was probably 4 points and I was full so it all worked out. I am doing better for now, I just take it one day at a time, make the best choice I can. It's working :)

"It is Well"

It's one thing to say "it is well" when you are standing on your feet, it's quite another to say "it is well" when you are struggling. Having been knocked off my feet for a while now, I can only boast of not doing well. It seems that unless I have a steady stream of normal I don't do well with my healthy lifestyle. A bump in the road, can throw me to the curb quick. I really am trying to change this about me, even though I know this will probably be the biggest hurdle ever in my attempt to change bad habits. Some call it emotional eating, but for me its not really that, its anything that sidetracks me or causes me discomfort.

I hate that when someone says something negative to me, that I let it affect me so easily. In the past that one thing would send me to the snack drawer, not so much now, but it does a little more damage than I would like. I want so much to be able to say, well those are your thoughts, sorry you feel that way, and still feel like "it is well".

I am working on it, and I am gaining ground.

Yesterday I went to a scheduled luncheon, took the cheese off my Pannini passed on the chips, skipped dessert and walked out with an "it is well" attitude. I didn't feel an ounce of self pity that I could not have those things because I really did not want them. That is progress, and I am for the first time in a while feeling good about my lifestyle changes.

So when the next not normal thing knocks me to the ground, I am hoping I can look up from where I landed and say "it is well" and mean it.

Changing Habits!

This week I am focusing on changing habits. I have noticed one fact since I began blogging, much of my bad food control issues are just bad habits. I say " just" as if that were just another word that is placed in front of another. It is not, I know that it is probably going to be the hardest thing I will overcome in this journey to live a healthy life. First I have to take a long look at the habits that control my behavior, that's going to be fun....not, oh well I will attempt to do this for the next few weeks and I will start it off with a big one.

1. Water........I need to drink more, I need to start drinking when I first get up.


2. Exercising... Walking when I make this a habit, I love it. When I stop, I don't want to restart.
   


3. One to break, spending to much time on the computer. ( that is going to be a hard one)


4. Planning my menu! This is a must!!


5. And last but most important for me is tracking my food.

All of the things I have listed above are not that hard for me to do for awhile, but when anything comes along to sidetrack me it is so difficult to start again. I want these habits to become second nature to me. This is my goal, and this is my hope for this year.

Friend Makin Monday!

Thanks for the opportunity to share a little about myself. I think the longer I live the more I realize that being honest with yourself keeps changing. When I was in my twenty's, I prided myself on being real. In my thirty's, I really felt lost. My forty's were the same, it seemed like the things I believed to be true kept changing. Now I know that I am not lost, sometimes confused, sometimes confounded, but not lost. I know that even at my age, (I'm not telling) I am still learning, I hope I never quit learning. Today at work a co-worker made fun of me for my love of gadgets, and my desire to connect in some way through my Internet friends. She actually said I was to old to be involved in such foolishness. It just made me smile, because I will never be ashamed for being made to feel like less than I am because I love to learn. I love my ipad, I can't wait to upgrade to an iphone. I love blogging and I don't think it is ever to late to make good habits.

This week Kenz with All the Weigh is hosting FMM. If you want to play along this week link up with Kenz and for all future weeks visit Amber at The Silver Lining to find out who's hosting FMM


I like myself most of the time
I don't like prejudice
I love my family with my whole heart
I dream of being young again and being smarter.
I wonder if I will ever make the right choices ( food and exercise) consistently.
I know I can do this.
I went to New York to meet friends, all by myself and had the time of my life.
I have always wanted to be smaller.
I think to much, to often and about things that really don't matter.
I plan to go on a road trip next year.
I regret wasting time
I do (I did and I always will love my hubby)
I drink water with all my meals, It is so hard for me to drink it all day long.
I wish I had worried less and trusted more.
I am very creative
I am not organized (but I long to be)
I need affection
I graduated high school when I was 25 because the school made an error on my transcript.My husband insisted that I go back and finish, turns out when I got my transcript I had 10 credits more than I needed to graduate. I flunked my entrance exam in college and entered on probation. I was on the presidents list from that time on. Yay me!!!
I hope my husband stays well.
I want more, I always want more.
I sometimes wish I could have adopted another child.
I always depend on my husband instead of doing things for myself.
I work for insurance, otherwise I would be shopping, or traveling or going to concerts and screaming like I was 12.
I cannot stand to be late
I avoid trouble.
I will never give up!

Give me a break!

Learning to live a healthy lifestyle, give me a break! Who do I think I am kidding here. Not me that's for sure. I have learned some things that have stuck with me, I do know that if I don't exercise, I will not lose, and I also know that even if I exercise and eat right, I am not gonna lose this weight fast. My fat is cement, I struggle to lose even a pound, and it has been that way for years. I can walk 5 miles eat only my allotted points and still only lose one pound. To say that is frustrating is putting it mildly. I read blogs and talk to friends all the time that consistently lose 2-3 or 4 founds a week, but for me that is not to be. I know, I know one pound is not all that bad, but it is when you have LHLWADD... I have been doing some research lately about ADD and the symptoms:
"zoning out” without realizing it
"extreme distractibility"
"struggling to complete a goal, no matter what the prize"
"tendency to overlook the seriousness of the situation"
When it comes to other areas of my life, this is in no way fits me. When it comes to my Living Healthy and Losing Weight "LHLW" I have four out of four symptoms. :(
I really need to understand this and I really need to deal with it. Like now!

I have been reading a blog from Sean in Oklahoma for about a year, today these words he wrote kicked me in the gut. It is what I have always known, but can't make this choice and stick to it. All I can say is please God, let me choose this, help me choose this. I want this so bad!

The difference between this being a struggle and being an enjoyable road all the way---is completely between our ears. It is a friendship with food, an understanding---it's just living---simplifying the process...and realizing that we can do this in a most enjoyable way that will leave us wondering what the trouble was all of those years. The trouble is always what WE make it. The limitations, the rules, the frustrations---we choose it all...it's perspective. It's letting go of every excuse or rationalization that have always held us back. It's no longer being the "victim." It's choosing change before change chooses us. It's a very powerful idea. Empowering. It's deciding that this is too important to allow any emotion, circumstance, person, place, or thing steal it away from us. We deserve this freedom---it's ours if we choose to make it one of the most important things we've ever done. The importance level MUST be set that high, because if it isn't---it becomes too easy to just say..."oh well, we'll try again some other time." Make this the LAST TIME. Because if we don't---"someday" will come anyway---and changes will choose us---and if it's not on our terms, we're probably not going to like those changes. Choose the change you've always dreamed about. You're completely free to fly my friend!!!!!!!

I want to fly, I want to be happy when I fly, I want this to be as important to me as breathing, as being faithful to my husband, as being faithful to the God I serve.
Thank you Sean, for these words.... I will read them everyday until it becomes my truth, and I will make the choices I need to change my life forever.